Ugh

2010
02.25

I am a bad blogger. I started back to work this week after 4 months off and I am just a little underwater. You know those dreams where you are trying to get someplace but you can’t - either because you don’t have clothes on or because you can’t move fast enough? Well, that is my life this week. I have managed to put clothes on (dressy clothes! and high heels!) but I just feel like I am moving through jello. Needless to say this means I haven’t been posting anything on this site.

 

Life, work, 3 kids, dinners to cook, shirts to iron = one busy/tired mama. This is all I got today. Baby was up at 4AM and I never went back to sleep after that. I have now officially been awake for  almost 12 hours, 8 of which I have been wearing high heels. Good news is only about 7 more hours until bedtime….

Going for Gold

2010
02.17

I love watching the Olympics. Not always for the sport - curling? really Canada? - but mostly for the personal stories. I am fascinated by what makes up an Olympic athlete. The talent, the skill, the training are all just a part of the person - not the whole story of what drove them to compete at the Olympic level. At some point in their lives, each athlete decided to forgo something, everything else, for the sport. I am in awe of this decision - the wholehearted nature of the full plunge into something.

 

I was watching NBC’s canned coverage of the Olympics last night (which by the way makes me angry -hate being the last to know the results just so NBC can show stuff in prime time and make extra $ off of commercials). Anyhow, I saw Maelle Rickerwin gold for Canada in women’s snowboard cross and it got me thinking. First of all, snowboard cross is INSANE! These ladies have some serious guts and they are amazing. Again though, it is the back story that makes it all so amazing. In the last Olympics, Maelle was airlifted off the course due to injury. Four years ago she left the games with a concussion, this time with the highest honor her sport can offer.

 

I see two things at play in this story that so translate to my walk with God. One is, never give up. I am pretty sure that helicopter ride out of Torino four years ago was a pretty dark moment but she didn’t make it her last. I want to be that person - the person who, in the darkest time, can keep the vision for the future. To see the goal ahead even when sitting on the sideline wondering if I will ever get back on course. That type of vision is a gift, a gift that I desperately want.

The other insight these athletes offer is the ability to “show up.” The difference between “being on the podium” and not, in these races is milliseconds. What drives an athlete to go into such a high stakes competition and have the ride/skate/run/swim/ etc. of their life? I am amazed by any professional athletes’ ability to perform at the level of excellence when it matters the most. When I played tennis in high school I was always better in practice than I was at a match. During the match I would get in my own head and defeat myself mentally. One double fault and you can pretty much guarantee I am going to loose the set. These Olympic athletes show up in a major way when everything is on the line. This is an amazing quality to possess.

 

When it matters, I want to be the person who comes through for my family, for myself. I want to win gold in my faithfulness to God. When all is stripped away, I want to still be committed. Committed to my marriage when it feels like its’ failing. Committed to my children when it seems like they just aren’t getting it. Committed to my job when it feels like it isn’t fulfilling. Committed to my friends when they let me down. I want to perform with God’s grace at my side in all aspects of my life, but especially when the stakes are high - when they are Olympic in nature.

 

As with any sport, my walk with God - my ability to show up - takes training. Time to strap on my running shoes and start the race.

Just Ask Jenn

2010
02.16

Me: I wish you would have called me and asked me about that…I could have  told you that would happen!

Sister: I know, I should have. In fact, everyone should call you before they make any decision….

Me: I know, right?

(It sadly took me about 10 minutes to realize she was being sarcastic. However, in my defense…I was right.)

So my sister, I’ll call her Sister 1. Had a great idea when it came to the issue of control with her oldest child. The child really wanted to be the boss of something, namely the parents. So she, brilliantly came up with the idea that the child could be the boss of the cow. Now the cow, was a stuffed animal in their home that this child quite enjoyed. So the child got to boss around the cow, well, till the cows came home. The child did not, however, get to boss around the parents all day.

It worked fabulously and soon the child graduated to being the boss of several trivial things in the home. This made the child feel important and boss-like. Problem solved.

So after the above conversation with Sister 1, I got to thinking about my desire to hand out advice like candy. I would really enjoy it if people just asked my advice on a daily basis. I LOVE telling people what to do. Don’t you? You don’t? Hmmm, pretty sure I could tell you how to learn to enjoy telling people what to do. (see how I did that? yeah, I’m that good) In fact, you know the girl who offers her advice at the store when you’re deciding which item to buy? That’s me. You should have gone with the one I recommended. But you know that now, right? I thought so.

Anyway, since I don’t have a stuffed cow or a captive audience to be the boss of, I decided this website would have to do. I am going to boss around this website with all the might that I have. One day a week I am going to post some advice and show the web who’s boss. I feel like the web could benefit from my pearls of wisdom. My family is already up to their ears in my wisdom so I thought it would be super to spread the love.

From here on out I deem Tuesday’s as Just Ask Jenn Day. Starting with today, I will offer advice to no one in particular. Sounds smart, I know.

shooter-mcgavin1

Today’s tidbit is:

You should not put large amounts of food down the garbage disposal. It doesn’t matter if the garbage disposal boasts the ability to grind up a whole pineapple. It may grind it up, but the pipes aren’t going to flush it down. Next thing you know, you’ll be paying a plumber a crapload of money to take pieces of pineapple out of the innards of your kitchen piping. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Spiritual Bling

2010
02.16

neck

“What you learn from them (your parents) will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck” - Proverbs 1:9

“Never let loyalty and kindness get away from you! Wear them like a necklace; write them deep in your heart.” - Proverbs 3: 3

“My son, obey your father’s commands, and don’t neglect your mother’s teaching. Keep their words always in your heart. Tie them around your neck.” - Proverbs 6: 20-21

These are just a few of the references to “neck” in the book of Proverbs. As I was reading through this book recently I started noticing the emphasis on this body part. What we wear around our neck says something about us. Some people wear diamonds, some pearls, some wear lockets with pictures of loved ones and some of us wear cheap costume jewelry. (I think that means I’m cheap?)

Anyway, I think it is interesting that God’s Word advises us to heed wisdom and knowledge by saying that we should wear it around our neck. We should wear kindness and loyalty like we do our favorite piece of bling. If I had some amazing 2 karat Tiffany bezel set solitaire necklace (not that I’ve thought about this at all) I can guarantee you I would think about it first thing in the morning as I rushed to put it on. I would wear it with pride (and apparently very little humility) and I would find outfits that accentuate its’ beauty.

Do I do the same thing with my spiritual jewelry? Do I rush to put on my kindness and loyalty? Do hope to display my wisdom and knowledge that is written deep in my heart? The answer to that is, I’m afraid,…not so much. I am pretty sure I would be more aware of a 2 karat diamond than I am of my mother’s teaching or my loyalty to others. For that, I am not proud.

The best part about God though, is that He accepts us where we are…where we are starting. Today, I desire to increase my spiritual bling. I want to adorn myself with His Word, His Kindness, His Loyalty and most of all His Grace. I want those qualities to fill up my neck like precious jewels, sparkling and clean.  Better than a Tiffany diamond.

As a side note, how amazing would it be if those of us who call ourselves Christians displayed these qualities? If we were known for our loyalty and kindness? I long for that, more than anything.

What, my friends, do you wear around your neck?

Carmel

2010
02.12

One of the weird things about living here is that several times during the year the  traffic turns thick, like pudding, brimming with out of town license plates. People drive poorly around here as it is, as there is a preponderance of elderly drivers in really nice cars with big engines (not a safe combo, just fyi).  However, when the tourists show up and you add the congestion to the senior driving it is just plain ridiculous. Accidents everywhere and lots of middle fingers.

The last town we lived in wasn’t exactly in a tourist destination - people don’t travel to Turlock…they just end up there. Big difference. Anyway, when you live your normal life in a place where people come to celebrity stalk and play, you can get annoyed with the tourism pretty quick.  Just driving to pick up your dry cleaning turns into a snarl of traffic and people trying to figure out which exit will get them to Clint Eastwood’s house. (answer is: he no longer lives in downtown Carmel but in a gated community in Carmel Valley, your search is futile)

So, you try really hard to just ignore these major events that make this normally sleepy town into a busy anthill filled with Lexus’s and digital cameras. However, the AT&T National Pro-Am is not an event you can ignore. It is a golf tourney at Pebble Beach that pairs celebrities with professional goflers. I think there are something like 25,000 to 50,000 extra people in town (5,000 of that is Justin Timberlake’s entourage). Some of the visitors come for the golf but I think most come to celebrity watch/stalk.

We aren’t attending the Pro-Am this year though, we had fun last year and I did get to stand right next to Justin Timberlake (wow) but things are just too busy this year to fit it in. Instead I will just deal with all of the traffic and tourists looking for directions to this place or that. I have to say though, waking up this morning to a picture of Justin Timberlake playing golf on the cover of my local newspaper was a treat. Part of me just feels good knowing that he is sleeping probably less than 2 miles from where I live. Yikes, that sounds creepy. What I meant to say was, he is close, I can feel it. Wow, that was worse.

Okay, really I’m just going to end this post now before I get labled a stalker…again. (the last time was just really a mix up, not sure why Justin had to get all formal with the police and what not).

Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

2010
02.11

When my oldest was a baby, I used to sing him this song I made up called Chubby Bunny. He was a fat baby. Sweet, but really fat. Isaac and I have always had a special bond, he is my cuddler and he is pretty sensitive so I usually get a lot of love from him during the day.

This morning he was busy getting ready for school and we were all in a tizzy trying to get out the door in time. Josh was crying about something, Eli was screaming for his binky and I had just spilled coffee all over my pants. Isaac stopped all of the sudden, in the middle of the chaos, and reached out for a quick hug. My Chubby Bunny.

Today after school, he comes bounding up the stairs with a huge smile on his face and says,” Mom, I saved something for you today!” With it being close to Valentine’s Day and all, I got excited that a red paper heart with an “I Love You Mom” written in kindergarten cursive (aka illegible) was coming my way. Just as I prepare myself for some more love from my oldest child, he turns around and… FARTS. Then laughs. And runs away.

That is what my son was “saving” for me today. Seriously.

My Three Sons

2010
02.10

I am sure over time there will be a million posts about my three boys. However, as I begin this journey of being a mother of three I can’t help  but share some of the things I’ve experienced so far.

 

First of all, when pregnant with a boy for the 3rd time, you are more likely to get condolences than congratulations. Men who would comment on my pregnancy, and then discover I was pregnant with another boy would inevitably say things like:

I’m one of three boys, my poor mother.

I’m one of four boys, my mom was a trooper.

I’m one of two boys, my mom is glad we are out of the house.

I’m one of several boys, my mom is trained in martial arts.

 

Okay so not really the last one but I imagine that karate would be a useful skill for me to acquire in the next few years. It would help with deflecting flying Buzz Lightyear toys and legos. If any of you are wondering what it is like to be a mother to so many boys, I can only say that I don’t really know yet. Eli is still at that androgynous baby stage (as evidenced by the MANY, “she is so cute” comments at Target and the mall). He isn’t really all boy yet, just a sweet, smiling little bug that eats poops and sleeps….hmmm, maybe he is all boy.

 

“Boydom” is in full swing with Joshua and Isaac though. They have taken to wrestling and fighting a good portion of the time they are together. Isaac is my pacifist, not really down with all of the physicality that Joshua exudes. Like a good dog would do, he takes several punches from the smaller pup before he growls. Joshie is ALL BOY. Often times after people have been around him for a period of time I get comments like:

Wow, he sure is full of energy!

That kid never stops!

Josh is a firecracker!

 

These things are all spanish for - holy sh%t, how do you do it?  The answer is, I have learned the fine art of “tuning him out.” Joshie talks nonstop and is always getting into something he shouldn’t. Often during the day I will hear the vaccum go on or the pump for the air mattress. He is obsessed with things that make noise. I know that if he is “vaccuming” he at least isn’t pestering Isaac. Unfortunately though, while Isaac may not be the first to throw a punch, he is incredibly loud. You take his booming voice plus Joshie’s daily vaccuming session and….The  level of noise in our house is maybe only rivaled by the cast of Jersey Shore but I am pretty sure there is just as much testosterone and fist bumping going on here.

 

As I settle in with my three sons I can offer the following observation - I am sure that my life over the next few years will in some ways resemble Lord of the Flies. You know, a bunch of boys on an island (our house) trying to kill their leader (me and Kevin). So glad I was forced to read that book and understand the boy mentality. Anyone know where I can get a conch shell?

 

isaac

mom-and-joshie

eli2

Scarlet Letter

2010
02.07

I cheated. Totally gave my heart and attention to another. The man I stood up and pledged to love forever in front of 200 some odd people, took a backseat to another boy.

It started 6 years ago. We’d been married for a little over 4 years. We were in love and still young enough to look good in swimsuits. Then it happened. It came on like a train and I couldn’t stop it.

First was the positive test. Then the ultrasound, then labor. Then I held him for the first time. Oh Isaac. My first love, my husband was immediately moved to second place.

Then Joshua, and now Elijah. Three boys to take my time, attention and heart. Don’t get me wrong, being a mother is a life force type of power that takes you over and changes you for the better. However, I, like most other mom’s, forgot how I came to be a mother in the first place.

He was 19 and totally head over heels in love. I fell shortly there after. We cuddled, sent flowers, wrote letters and talked of our great adventure together. Somewhere between those days and late night diaper changes I forgot how to be a girlfriend, a best friend.

I know it sounds weird to say that I’ve been cheating on my husband with my kids but I have and I think a lot of other mom’s are guilty of the same crime. The child in front of you comes first because his or her needs are immediate. The man you married stands behind, a good man, waiting. By the time you fall into bed at night, exhausted by the day, you have nothing left to give.

I don’t want this anymore. I confess my lack of  devotion to my marriage. I nag to be romanced and remembered, yet, I know he feels my heart’s priorities have shifted away from him and to the children. I love my children, more than life, but I am begging to find a better balance. After all, if my marriage suffers because I neglect to nurture my relationship with my husband, then doesn’t that shatter the foundation I want my children to stand on?

Please don’t misunderstand my confession here, I am not saying I need to pay less attention to my children. I am just saying it is time to make my marriage a priority again. To talk with my best friend about more than taxes, school schedules and grocery lists. We used to sit and dream together, wonder what the universe would offer us. I want those times back and I believe it is up to me to initiate it.

Labor Part 2, kinda

2010
02.02

So, I wanted to write all about my experience with birthing Elijah. I had a great story to tell about how the anesthesiologist was just like the doctor from Knocked Up and how he told me that I have scoliosis just as he was shoving the needle in my back. I also wanted to talk about the hospital experience as a whole but then I remembered…..

 

I am on maternity leave from THAT HOSPITAL. The one which provides me and my family with a regular paycheck and insurance. So writing about my experience there, should it be anything less than perfect, would be….stupid. And my friends, I try to limit the stupid in my life to the weekends only.

 

Instead I will tell you that I am not good at pushing out babies unless there is pitocin involved and where there is pitocin….there are epidurals. After 13 hours at a 4 and lots of walking, massaging, and praying I finally gave up my vision of a natural birth and once the epidural was in, baby was out in 1.5 hours. In case you are wondering if you choose to wait until right before you push to get an epidural and you have your baby at 2 am in the morning…you will still be numb at about 12 noon the next day. Super.

 

He was so perfect, just like they all are when they’re born. The air gets sucked out of the room and you feel like angels are siting on your bed, watching you welcome a little miracle into your arms. I hate pregnancy, sorry peeps but it is true. I turn into a hormonal maniac. However, giving birth is magical and completely worth 9 months of cankles, crying and horrible clothes that all somehow involve bows and or things that tie.

 

Eli will be 3 months old on Friday and I am just weeks from returning to work. He is an amazing baby, all smiles and coos - he is just what I always wanted him to be. He sleeps like a champ and looks just like his brothers (that is to say, just like his father). While I am still bitter that I never birthed a dark haired, dark eyed little portuguese baby I am still in love with all of them.

 

To all of you that have inquired about the website and why I haven’t been writing - honestly the transition to 3 children was really overwhelming. Joshua had an extremely hard time with the change and required a lot of my time. Also, since having Eli we entertained for Thanksgiving (I fed 13 people), we did Christmas (again 13 people) and we moved to a new house the week after Eli got over pneumonia. Really, it hasn’t been a barrel of monkeys at our house these days.

 

We are however, settled and I am intent on enjoying these next few precious weeks before I go back to work and experience yet another transition.

 

Here are some pics to make you smile….

 

newborn

 

newborn2

Labor, Part 1

2009
11.12

I didn’t feel well all weekend, once again I knew I had done too much. There was so much to do though and time was running out. Monday night I went to bed early and was awakened several times with contractions too strong to just ignore. I also was checking my phone repeatedly for updates on my best friends labor - she was at the hospital and awaiting the arrival of her third child, a baby girl.

 

By about 2 AM everything had calmed down and I was back to sleep. Hours later I was at work and trying desperately to concentrate, I noticed a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions and again, that I was generally  not feeling well. By 10 Am I had called my OB’s office and made an appointment for later that afternoon. By 12 noon, I had called and asked to come in ASAP. Sometime around 1Pm, my doctor checked me and said that I was surprisingly at a “2″ and about 50% effaced and that that baby’s head was really low. She decided to send me to the hospital for monitoring to see how often the contractions were coming.

 

All of this would have been really exciting, except…I was only 34 weeks.

 

After an hour on the monitor at the hospital and contractions 3 minutes apart, my doctor admitted me for preterm labor. I was really scared and stressed out. I didn’t want to give birth at 34 weeks. I knew it wouldn’t be catastrophic but it wasn’t ideal for the baby. He needed to “cook” for at least 3 more weeks.

 

Once admitted, I made a lot of phone calls and let everyone know what was going on. Once admitted I was given a pill that is supposed to stop labor and a healthy dose of IV fluids. By 10 pm that night, contractions were still regular and they decided a I needed an IV medicine called magnesium sulfate. For those of you not familiar….mag sulfate is pretty much the Devil’s cocktail. It makes you feel hot, tired and like your limbs weigh 100 lbs each. You can’t get comfortable and you are in total misery.

 

 By midnight that night, a nurse was comforting me as I cried and proceeded to let my emotions get the best of me. I realized how emotionally unprepared I was to have Elijah at all, let alone 6 weeks early. We had so much going on, we had just put an offer on a house and life was just too full to really think about adding another person to the mix. But here I was, faced with the prospect of an early baby with possible complications and a guaranteed stay in the NICU.

 

By morning the contractions had slowed and I had not made any more progression toward delivery. They decided to let me go home that evening but I was to be on bed rest for the next 4 days until my next appointment. I was thankful to be going home.

 

Once home, I realized I had some emotional preparation to do for baby Elijah and I needed to start taking better care of myself. Over the next three weeks I would have multiple sleepless nights from contractions and I was generally very uncomfortable but baby Eli stayed in place which was the goal.

 

I stopped working at 37 weeks and it wasn’t a minute too soon. I spent the next week preparing for baby, taking naps and spending time with Isaac and Joshua. By week 38 I was getting anxious to not be pregnant anymore - all of the false labor was extremely exhausting and I was starting to swell really bad.

 

The week I went into labor, I had a doctor appoint on Monday and she “stripped my membranes”. Seriously let’s just not talk about that. “Ouch” and “ick”, should be enough explanation. I was convinced I would go into labor later that day, all of the signs were there. Tuesday morning I woke up, still pregnant and cried. I had lost all patience with pregnancy and became a quintessential pregnant lady - hormonal and weepy. By Wednesday morning I was a flat out crazy person. I had no patience with anyone. Period. Joshua was not helping the matter by being such a pill that I actually had him stay home from pre school for a little mommy time because the day before I got a note from his teacher saying he was biting his friends and being generally ill behaved.

 

Around 11 am I decided to take him to the park. On the way there, this lady with  a stroller was talking on phone in the middle of the street. No joke, the middle. I waited patiently. Then I started to get mad, who stands in the middle of the street, on the phone with a stroller? I decided that honking might scare the baby and she was oblivious to my presence so I figured that turning around was the best option because I could get to the park another way. As I threw it into reverse to begin what was going to be a three point turn, I forgot I was on a hill. What happens next is just plain unfortunate.

 

The big giant mom car that I drive decided that going on reverse on a hill required my tires to peel out. I swear I wasn’t going fast. The look on cell phone lady’s face when I peeled out just mere feet from her and her baby was priceless. She looks up, and gives me this look of sheer panic that I am going to go all Dukes of Hazard and try to jump her and the stroller with my  1 ton hot rod. She then cusses me out. At this point my patience is totally depleted and it seemed like flipping her off was my best response.

 

So, after giving her the bird and finishing my 3 point turn, I head to the park. I park, get Joshie out and head to the swing set. Guess who was also on her way to the park (and STILL ON HER CELL PHONE?) I decide that it is too late to go to another park and that I just have to face her.

 

Five steps later, I feel as though I’ve wet my pants. Then I laugh because my first thought was “cell phone lady better not think I’m so scared of her that I peed my pants, cause I will totally fight her.” I had read someplace that a sign of impending labor is irritability…..

 

Joshua is oblivious to my wet pants and as I chase after him, I continue to loose more fluid (and dignity). I finally catch up with him, bribe him with Halloween candy, and head for the car. I called Kevin and everyone else that needed to know and went home to get ready for the trip to the hospital. The doctor said for me to come in right away, that with my incident of preterm labor, it was likely I would go very quickly through labor since my body was already prepared.

 

That would be the first of many assumptions that proved to be incorrect in the next few hours. Here is a picture I took 5 minutes before we left for the hospital….

 

 

water-broke

 

There is now a little newborn crying so I have to go. More later on what happened at the hospital, including the Jamaican nurse and how I managed to kick my doctor out of the room in the middle of labor.


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