My littlest sister moved in with us a couple of weeks ago. She is going to start college in August and be our part time nanny for the boys. So far it is going well. However, having a teenager in the house takes some getting used to. It has forced me to look at how I view life. Obviously, a lot changes between 17 and 32 and learning to relate to the person in your house who sees the world through those 17 year old eyes can be trying.
The other night we were sitting on the couch and Kenna asked me if I was happy. Seemed like an odd question so I just looked at her blankly. She then proceeded to tell me that I appear as though I am unhappy, or not really enjoying my life.
Yikes.
I realize that my personality lends itself to the “all business” attitude most of the time. I like projects and I always have multiple on my mind. Whatever I am doing, even if it is changing Joshie’s diaper, I am thinking about the next task I have to accomplish. I think this type of living has led me to have a fairly clean house and an organized life. But am I really living? Does one really “live” when you are managing a full time job, two children, a household and a pregnancy? Am I really “managing” any of these things or is that just an illusion?
Clearly her off handed comment about how I appear to the outside world wormed its way into my brain and laid eggs. I don’t know that it would have, had I not heard this comment from multiple people over the years. Now, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that I appear unhappy. I want to be happy, I want to be the kind of person who other people consider fun to be around. I think I am just too busy for that. Or too serious. Or too determined to get everything done. With most things that bother me, I find a solution and get about changing course. However, with this one I am stumped. How do you appear more happy or joyful? I guess the answer is to BE more happy and joyful. What if that just isn’t me though? What if my personality just doesn’t lend itself to that type of outward expression? Is that why I have so much gray hair?
I guess the real question is how do I take my very real responsibilities to children and my husband and house and let them go enough to take time to enjoy life? I am content, I love my family, I love our life. However, I realize I let me get in the way of having fun a lot of the time. They say that having children under the age of 5 is one of the most stressful times in a woman’s life. I believe it. I am living it. When I really think about it though, I was kinda like this in college, long before Isaac or Joshua were even a thought. I mean business. I can laugh too, I can even be funny but it has never been really natural for me to be footloose and fancy free. I am not the person you call for the last minute road trip to Las Vegas. I am the girl you call to help plan your very scheduled baby shower.
The question beating in my head like a drum is… did I become this kind of girl over time or did I start out this way? What if I had a conscious choice? Would I still be this way? Would you?
Seriously people, I might as well have a long green nose, tall black hat and broom. This little munchkin inside of me has turned me into a full tilt be-otch this week. I can’t sleep, I can’t write, I can’t have fun and all I want to do is eat and cry. Oh the joys of pregnancy. I sit down to write a blog post and my mind is totally crowded, like a musty old attic full of antiques, with my to-do list. Unfortunately my “to -do’s” often include staring angrily into space as I contemplate the horrors of this universe. Really, I am lovely company right now…care to come for a visit?
The things I love, my family, exercise and So You Think You Can Dance, have received the brunt of my hormonal tirade this week and for that I am sorry. I promise to get better. In four months. And then another 6-8 weeks after that. Crap - let’s just face it - for the remainder of 2009 I will continue to be a pain in the ass.
I know I haven’t posted pictures or done anything really useful on the blog for a while.I sit down at night, stare at my laptop in disgust and proceed to fall asleep on the couch 15 minutes into whatever show I insist that we watch. I have been feeling terrible for not posting my Friday Beauty Reviews but right now I just feel like I hate everything so how could I honestly review any product? Even something simple as eyeliner is bound to make me cry right now because it doesn’t go on right or my eyes are crooked or I am too fat to put make-up on. I know, as I type it, I hear the ridiculousness of it.
Anyhow, my internal discord and internet malaise is surely fleeting and I will be back full tilt to writing soon. In the meantime, if you see a pregnant woman, tell her she looks lovely and not at all like her face is a balloon that might pop at any moment.
P.S. - I know MJ was a total wack-job but seriously, how great was his music? Don’t you remember memorizing the Thriller dance or moonwalking in your bathroom? How about the We Are the World video on MTV? Ah, the good old days.
Well folks, it appears we only know how to make them with boy parts around here. However, he sure is cute:
I am thrilled to be having another baby boy in my life. Yes, I was hoping for a girl but this little man is what I am meant to have. So I will hug him, and love him and call him George.
PS - not really, I won’t call him George. Unless he looks like a monkey.
PSS - Isaac kinda looked like a monkey and I called him Walter so, I’m not really sure that even if he looks like a monkey I will call him George.
PSS - I think until we have an official name for him we shall call him “Baby that is not George” OR “Boy that is not George” - BOO-YA! (see how I did that with the title? I am wicked smart!)
Okay this doesn’t count as a real post because it is just an update on my status: I am still alive.
Things got crazy, then really busy, then I got the flu and then I got a new job. So much to tell but I don’t have time on account of the lingering flu and the new job. Good news is I will be obligated to post tomorrow because…
We have the big ultrasound appointment tomorrow!!!! So, sometime tomorrow afternoon we can hopefully announce whether we will be having Jumanji or Darjeeling. Stay tuned!!!
Kevin out of town for work this whole week - let the whining commence.
Basically, I am a single parent for the week and I don’t even want to go into the amount of things outside of our normal routine that are going on this week, thus adding to my stress of having to do it all alone. Needless to say, posting will be light because I will be busy both bringing home the bacon and frying it up in the pan. Normally I am the queen of multitasking but this little thing growing inside me, that shall not be named Jumanji, has taken my brain and turned it into pea soup. You know those dreams where you are supposed to be at the prom but you can’t find your dress? Or you have a meeting and you can’t find your car to get there? That is my life. I swear the contents of my normally intelligent brain have been rendered useless. I went back into the house to get things I forgot FOUR TIMES this morning before I finally left. I left my office today at least 3 times not remembering why I even got out of my chair in the first place. So, the challenge of working, being the sole provider for 2 children, gestating a third child and the extra curricular junk we have going on this week all add up to ONE HOT PREGNANT MESS.
Bottom line: if you see me driving down the street with my car door open and my coffee mug about to fall of the roof of my car, just keep driving.
*Addendum to bottom line: However, if you see a 5 year old chasing after my car because I left the house without him, do me a solid and pick him up. Make sure to tell him Mommy loves him, she just isn’t herself right now, on account of the hormones.
Last week I decided that I wanted to try this new “tube mascara” thing that everyone is talking about. So I marched out to my local Target and tried to purchase the L’Oreal version of this new craze. I wanted L’Oreal because I feel like their mascara is the best, lasts the longest and their brushes are really good. When I got there - they were out. Not one L’Oreal Double Extend in sight. This peaked my curiosity even more and I actually went to ANOTHER Target to try and find it.
Once the mascara was in my possession - for about $8 - I was really excited to try it. Here is what it looks like:
So, starting with the white side, I applied the first coat. Basically it looks like you are putting white frosting on your eyelashes. I was impressed immediately with the lengthening effect. I felt like my lashes looked dramatically longer. Then I moved to the red side, the black mascara. Once I started applying the actual mascara I was kind of disappointed. Some of the length I added seemed to disappear with the the black coat. The brush applicator wasn’t really suited for adding volume either, so I ended up with lashes that looked longer, but not as full.
Overall, I would give this product a mixed review but it still might be right for you and here’s why: My lashes are already pretty long, so I usually focus on adding volume and this mascara wasn’t built for that purpose. However, if length is your issue, I would say this would be a good choice because I did notice a considerable difference in length, just not as much as it looked like when I applied the first coat. What I really want is for L’Oreal to make the second coat a volumizing mascara and then we would have magical mascara bliss. So L’Oreal…are you listening? I need magical.
As for the whole “tubes” thing - basically it isn’t a whole lot different than regular mascara.The first coat is where the “tubes” part comes in and I don’t know that I would have called it “tubes” if the marketing gods hadn’t already chosen that name. It is more like an eyelash blanket. It wraps around the lash and makes it appear longer. I guess that doesn’t sound much better. Can you tell I have a degree in political science, not marketing?
Okay so bottom line:I liked it, I didn’t love it. But I still love L’Oreal and I just know that one day they will go magical and I will thank them.
Next week: let’s talk self-tanners…the good, the bad and the orange.
Because his last suggestions weren’t enough, Kevin wanted to add the following to the list:
Morinda
Suri (seriously)
Tara
Molly
Dorinda
Belinda
DO YOU SEE A PATTERN HERE?
I think that I am once again going to have to pick the name of our child because this is getting ridiculous. Last night when he suggested the name Tracy, on the heels of just having suggested Tara, I asked him why he kept throwing out 80’s names. He told me I was being judgemental.
Anyway, we are back from vacation and it was amazing. I promise pictures later this week, my brain is still trying to put itself back in work mode right now. I can’t seem to leave the mountain air of Lake Tahoe behind. It might be one of the few places prettier than the landscape we call home in Carmel. The kids stayed with my Mom and they did amazing. They were actually sad to leave “Ammy’s” house, which has to be the sign of having a good time. Either that or they are going to miss the steady stream of rice krispy treats and popcorn. I made them both eat carrots with dinner last night, the looks on their sweet toddler faces were precious. Sort of like “Woman, what vile thing have you placed in our presence and can you possibly douse it in sugar?”
I will post a 15 week self portrait this week as well, even though I am now closer to 16 weeks. I swear my belly is huge! I look like I am 6 months pregnant, however I hear that is pretty normal with the third child. Let’s also hope that a post baby tummy tuck and boob job are considered normal as well…
Kevin and I are in Tahoe for a 4 day vacation. Without the kids.
Wait, did you hear that? What’s that you say? You didn’t hear anything? You didn’t hear Dora the Explorer, toddlers fighting over a toy car or someone asking for juice? ME EITHER.
Anyhow, so this is the first time in 2 years that we have been away without children. We decided maybe it was time to begin negotiations on baby names.
The father of my two children, soon to be three, suggested the following names:
Mandy
Mission
Gunner
Garth
Darjeeling
Jumanji
Obviously we are still in negotiations and now you see why I named the first two…
More on the vacation later. Right now, me and Darjeeling need some rest.
