Dear Joshua,

I thought I should take a minute to have a mother to son talk with you. However, given that you are 18 months old and have the attention span of a puppy with ADHD, it seemed best to put it in writing.

First off, you are very cute. I think it is possible that you already comprehend this fact and have begun the lifelong process of using this to your advantage. As a former lobbyist and long time professional arguer - my hatt is off to you for figuring out your “ace card” so quickly. However, cute will not get you out of everything.

I present Exhibit A.

What you see here is a picture of yourself, locked in the master bathroom. The photographer is none other than your good ol’ Mom who couldn’t believe you had managed to lock the door all by yourself, considering your 4 year old brother has yet to figure this out. No amount of convincing could get you to try to undo what you had just done, leaving me no option but to treck around the side of the house in hopes the window was open. Lucky for you it was.

On to Exhibit B.

What we have here, my darling youngest child is your older brother saving your butt. No way Mommy was fitting through that window and someone had to save you. When I told Isaac what the task was, his response was poetic: “That kid is so crazy, what are we going to do with him?” Upon approaching the window and the treacherous climb in to save you, he began whining about the possibility of falling. I had no time to reason with him however, because I was busy telling you to stop putting Mama’s make-up in the toilet. However, you just went on and on until everything from my lip gloss to my eyelash curler had taken a dunk in cold waters of our porcelain thrown. I think maybe you locked the door just so you could engage in that delicious pasttime of yours, toilet dunking. Keeping with the puppy theme, you also enjoy drinking from the toilet upon occasion. Oh yes, you heard me right.

As a side note, do you know how many lollipops I had to promise your brother in order to convince him to undertake this “dangerous” task? You can pay the dental bills next year Pumpkin.

Joshua, if you and I are going to co-exist you are going to have to start LISTENING TO MOMMY’S WORDS. When I say things like GET OFF THE TABLE, IT ISN’T SAFE TO STAND THERE, you must learn to do something other than cackle like a wild animal at me.

That brings me to Exhibit C:

This is evidence of A). Your cuteness and B). YOU STANDING ON THE TABLE AGAIN.

Joshie, Mommy loves you dearly and will support you should you desire to be an X Games athlete, but until you are old enough to actually talk to me with real words, we need to find a compromise. Because honestly, I don’t think Isaac can handle any more rescue attempts and Mommy can only stretch so far.

With Love,

Mama

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