I used to be cool. I was on the cutting edge of music, I was the goddess of the alternative band scene. Then I got a life.

Ever since the waning days of college, I have been a music nerd. I listened to whatever was on the radio and considered it enough. Deep inside though, I felt that the void in my mind that music once filled was still empty. You see, I am one of those people whose state of being can be altered by music. I think everyone enjoys a good song but some people need music to let go, to thrive, to be creative.

I tend to be pretty cut and dry, maybe even boring. In fact, on most days I would prefer to live inside the small box I construct for myself. Creativity comes in bits and spurts in my life, like an outdated engine it appears as though it could sputter to life or die on the side of the road at any moment. Music changes that, music is my muse.

For a long time, I was too busy for music. I guess maybe I still am, I mean it isn’t like a I need another hobby. In fact, I still count tennis as a hobby and just today I spent 2 hours getting my a*# kicked by a friend on the courts. Hobbies are supposed to be fun, dammit. Like running, that is fun. I mean the shin splints, the blisters, the dead toe nails, such fun.

 I swear I have a point here, I do.

Anyway, I have, like millions of people, been on the iPod bandwagon for a while now. However, my iPod has been reserved for my tortuous hobby, running. So it was filled with “pick me up” music, songs that keep me going past the burn. Like music by Justin Timberlake and Kanye West.

Last week I was playing around online, okay I was listening to the Twilight soundtrack you caught me, and I realized I should download some music. Some good music. Then I thought, how shall I listen to it? I have no dock for my iPod. Well, I took care of that and next thing you know, I am back in the music game baby! I feel my creative juices flowing and in the meantime I feel like I have my finger back on the pulse of culture. I was wondering, if after all of these years, I still liked alternative music of if my tastes had changed. What do the kids listen to these days? Maybe now instead of Pearljam I would prefer Clay Aiken or Madonna. Good news is, my tastes haven’t changed much and in the meantime, plenty of great bands have busted on to the scene.

So I filled my iPod with Modern Modest Mouse (thanks Aaron for bringing this to my attention!), Muse, The Shins, Paramore, Secondhand Seranade, Keane and Death Cab for Cutie. Listening to this music doesn’t make me cool and it won’t make me young. It does however, get my mind going and reminds me to live in the moment, to let creativity have a role in my day. Not all my hobbies have to be painful, right?

I did it! No seriously, I hard rocked Thanksgiving dinner. We had turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, cranberries, green bean casserole, rolls and gravy. Thanks to the help of my sister-in-law Karen and my neighbor’s kitchen, I was able to accomplish a real Thanksgiving meal. We had a lovely dinner and a great time hanging out with family and friends.

My mom was on speed dial all day (thankfully), I swear she received less than 5 panicked phone calls. The ones she did receive revolved around the fact that my 24lb turkey cooked in 3 hours. Apparently my little tiny oven has some, balls guts. And yes, I am aware now that 24lbs of turkey was completely unnecessary for 7 people. You live and you learn people.

I decided that photos would tell the story of this Thanksgiving better than words so here goes…

After the beach we headed back to the house to watch the Cardinal’s game – that was ugly. Then we ate desert, courtesy of our local Costco. Overall, fabulous day.

Okay so this year, Thanksgiving dinner’s on me. No really, this year I am the cook, the chef, the master of the kitchen domain. Crap. Where is my mother when I need her? That’s right, she is in Turlock and no doubt preparing already for her scrumptious feast, of which I can not partake. Oh boy do I wish now that I’d helped out more in the kitchen all of those holidays. I knew that feigning diarrhea or cramps in order to get out of cooking would come back to bite me some day.

My first instinct is to run to Williams and Sonoma and buy all the fancy gadgets, as though that would make my cooking better. Given our budget constraints I am going to have to make due with what we have. The problem is, between the ratty cookware and my sub-par skills, we also have the problem of our heinous kitchen. My stove is quite literally from 1957 and has four partially functioning burners. My oven, as previously discussed, is thoroughly lacking in capacity to cook more than a chicken breast.

However, come Thursday, there will be 8 hungry people at my house – all looking to me to provide them with Thanksgiving sustenance. Lordy, I’m screwed.

Did I mention Kevin is supposed to fry the turkey? I’m not sure how I feel about a garbage can worth of oil heated to the point of boiling in my carport. Sounds like a recipe for an insurance claim.

Either way, the neighbors have offered their kitchen, since they will be out of town and my kitchen has issues. Can’t you just see me running back and forth between the houses with pots of boiling water and stuffing mix (drink in hand) while Kevin burns down our faux garage? Happy Holidays!

So what is all the fuss about Twilight? Why do I keep writing about it? I am going to venture out and say it has NOTHING to do with it being about teenagers or vampires or good and evil. It has everything to do with every girls deepest longing. To be known.

You see, as I sat in the dark theater, laughing out loud at the childish interpretation of the Twilight book, something struck me. The reason girls are so obsessed with the story of Edward and Bella (myself included) is not unique to their dark vampire story. The link between them is the centerpiece of every good love story. It is a woman’s deep and abiding desire to be truly known by the one she loves. Not just what kind of soda you like or how you love Mexican food. It is the deep knowledge that only comes with being studied, examined carefully.

Edward knows Bella so well, that he can anticipate her moves and actions before she does. I don’t know a girl who doesn’t long for this. For someone to know when she needs to talk, to be quiet, to laugh – without asking, without question. When I think of all of the amazing love stories out there, all of the best lines from romance movies, they all revolve around the lead male knowing the female almost better than she knows herself.

So, it isn’t really about Twilight. The legions of teenage and adult fans of this book series took the bait set by author Stephanie Meyer. Writing as a woman, she knows only too well what all girls really long for, deeply. I don’t know about you but I cherish the idea that my mate would feel so drawn to me, that he would seek to know every detail about me. He would want to entertain my very thoughts and feelings, as though they were his own so that he might comprehend my reactions to life.

When you see the 15 year old girl with the Twilight shirt, be sure that it is not a vampire she longs for. Not a fictional, fantasy character. More than anything, she longs to be cared for and sought after, known.

If you have by chance, been living under a rock and are unaware that Twilight opens on Friday then you may not understand the next few sentences. If you have been reading this site, the next few sentences might scare you, might cause you to question my sanity. Never to fear though, I promise it’s just the vodka talking.

So, I am in love with Edward. I’m sorry Kevie, I am leaving you for a fictional teenage vampire. He will take care of me, protect me from the bad vampires and try with all of his might not to suck my blood. Edward and I shall forever live in a mystical world and I will be his vampire bride.

Wow. That was awkward. Seriously people, these books are like crack. It must be how some people felt about the Harry Potter series – although I do not know who could think all of that magic stuff was real. I mean, have you ever met a sorcerer? What’s that you say, vampires are just as far fetched? Well, to that I say – have you ever been to Santa Cruz at night? Yeah. Bloodsuckers are alive and well. Why do you think they filmed the Lost Boys there? Not a coincidence. After watching a few episodes of the Two Coreys, methinks Corey Haim might have fallen prey to the vampires himself.

Anyhoot – I already bought my ticket to go see Twilight. I am still considering a trip to northern Washington to retrace the steps of Bella and Edward through the small town of Forks but that might be too much. Do you think that’s too much? Am I taking this too far?

Read the books, then judge me… I dare you.