My littlest sister moved in with us a couple of weeks ago. She is going to start college in August and be our part time nanny for the boys. So far it is going well. However, having a teenager in the house takes some getting used to. It has forced me to look at how I view life. Obviously, a lot changes between 17 and 32 and learning to relate to the person in your house who sees the world through those 17 year old eyes can be trying.
The other night we were sitting on the couch and Kenna asked me if I was happy. Seemed like an odd question so I just looked at her blankly. She then proceeded to tell me that I appear as though I am unhappy, or not really enjoying my life.
Yikes.
I realize that my personality lends itself to the “all business” attitude most of the time. I like projects and I always have multiple on my mind. Whatever I am doing, even if it is changing Joshie’s diaper, I am thinking about the next task I have to accomplish. I think this type of living has led me to have a fairly clean house and an organized life. But am I really living? Does one really “live” when you are managing a full time job, two children, a household and a pregnancy? Am I really “managing” any of these things or is that just an illusion?
Clearly her off handed comment about how I appear to the outside world wormed its way into my brain and laid eggs. I don’t know that it would have, had I not heard this comment from multiple people over the years. Now, I can’t stop thinking about the fact that I appear unhappy. I want to be happy, I want to be the kind of person who other people consider fun to be around. I think I am just too busy for that. Or too serious. Or too determined to get everything done. With most things that bother me, I find a solution and get about changing course. However, with this one I am stumped. How do you appear more happy or joyful? I guess the answer is to BE more happy and joyful. What if that just isn’t me though? What if my personality just doesn’t lend itself to that type of outward expression? Is that why I have so much gray hair?
I guess the real question is how do I take my very real responsibilities to children and my husband and house and let them go enough to take time to enjoy life? I am content, I love my family, I love our life. However, I realize I let me get in the way of having fun a lot of the time. They say that having children under the age of 5 is one of the most stressful times in a woman’s life. I believe it. I am living it. When I really think about it though, I was kinda like this in college, long before Isaac or Joshua were even a thought. I mean business. I can laugh too, I can even be funny but it has never been really natural for me to be footloose and fancy free. I am not the person you call for the last minute road trip to Las Vegas. I am the girl you call to help plan your very scheduled baby shower.
The question beating in my head like a drum is… did I become this kind of girl over time or did I start out this way? What if I had a conscious choice? Would I still be this way? Would you?
Tags: are you happy in life?, what kind of personality do you have?, would you chose to be you?
Sister, I could write about this very same subject FOREVER ’cause it was on my mind a few years back. Here’s the thing, HAPPY doesn’t look the same on every person. Don’t go thinking you are unhappy just ’cause you and your sis have different ways of showing your happiness. Like you, I’m task oriented… I always have a focused look on my face. My face defaults to serious not to smiley when I’m chilllin’. It’s just a personality difference, ya know? I also think comparing oneself to a teenager/young adult is useless ’cause younger people don’t have the same burdens… family, children, etc. Completely different kind of happiness when Me, Myself and I are the only people I need to think and worry about. Just my 2 cents. Sweet of your sis to care so much for you though….
Hiya stranger! This post struck a cord with me too. Having a 19 yr.old sis as well, similiar comments have come out of her mouth like that to me and I ponder, like a good Big sis would. Really? Me? But I think Danaly said it right when she wrote about the burdens and concerns of someone such as our younger sis’s verses our’s are so different, why wouldn’t our Joy/Happiness been shown just as differently? However, as a young girl I would always study my mom’s exspressions alot. And to be honest, she frowned alot. But I do not remmeber her that way now as an adult. Funny huh? I was so concerned for her while I was young and why she looked to me to be unhappy when now all I can remmeber is my mama was doing what brought her the most joy. Being a mom. Yes, it was problay tough most days but I believe my memory serves me well now and more accuratly…. So while it was your sis’s sweet inncocent q’s now that made you think, I wonder how different her interpretaion of your ‘Happiness’ will be 10 years from now? Good stuff…. gotta lov those lil sis’s though… lov Zo
Okay so this is exactly why I love this blog . . you speak directly to me! My sisters aren’t 19, they are 29, but they say the same thing to me all the time. However, I should point out that they are single, sexy and free . . making their own money and have no real life stresses other than what they should eat for dinner and with whom!!!
I agree with the posts above, I have been told that I looked pissed when I am driving when I think that I look super hot and sexy . . go figure:)
Love you, and you make me smile, I love to spend time with you.
This is a great post. I have to think more about this, but being a lot like what you have described, my first reaction is to say our joys are different than hers at this point in our lives and we show them differently.
But also, I do have to make a point to be joyful and thankful for my life (God will give us that if we ask for it!!) or I will find myself just focusing on the tasks and the struggles.