I cheated. Totally gave my heart and attention to another. The man I stood up and pledged to love forever in front of 200 some odd people, took a backseat to another boy.
It started 6 years ago. We’d been married for a little over 4 years. We were in love and still young enough to look good in swimsuits. Then it happened. It came on like a train and I couldn’t stop it.
First was the positive test. Then the ultrasound, then labor. Then I held him for the first time. Oh Isaac. My first love, my husband was immediately moved to second place.
Then Joshua, and now Elijah. Three boys to take my time, attention and heart. Don’t get me wrong, being a mother is a life force type of power that takes you over and changes you for the better. However, I, like most other mom’s, forgot how I came to be a mother in the first place.
He was 19 and totally head over heels in love. I fell shortly there after. We cuddled, sent flowers, wrote letters and talked of our great adventure together. Somewhere between those days and late night diaper changes I forgot how to be a girlfriend, a best friend.
I know it sounds weird to say that I’ve been cheating on my husband with my kids but I have and I think a lot of other mom’s are guilty of the same crime. The child in front of you comes first because his or her needs are immediate. The man you married stands behind, a good man, waiting. By the time you fall into bed at night, exhausted by the day, you have nothing left to give.
I don’t want this anymore. I confess my lack of devotion to my marriage. I nag to be romanced and remembered, yet, I know he feels my heart’s priorities have shifted away from him and to the children. I love my children, more than life, but I am begging to find a better balance. After all, if my marriage suffers because I neglect to nurture my relationship with my husband, then doesn’t that shatter the foundation I want my children to stand on?
Please don’t misunderstand my confession here, I am not saying I need to pay less attention to my children. I am just saying it is time to make my marriage a priority again. To talk with my best friend about more than taxes, school schedules and grocery lists. We used to sit and dream together, wonder what the universe would offer us. I want those times back and I believe it is up to me to initiate it.
Tags: children change everything, marriage, putting your marriage first
A great book to reconnect with is “Now you’re speaking my language” by Gary Chapman.
The chapters are short and you can easily read one chapter a week and then meet to discuss. My hubby and I meet alot after the kids go to bed. One of us does bath and bed while the other runs out for a starbucks and then we discuss our likes, etc about the chapter. The book really is great. Another one is Rekindling the Romance by Dennis Rainey. Again, easy short chapters but both books help bring on communication that ultimately bring you closer together.
Just wanted to share cause I have been right where you are. These books have helped us so very much!
Jen, so very true. Even on the flip side with having girls. I sometimes feel ‘cheated on’ by sam with the girls. In an innocent way of course. But all the same. It’s def. a balance that needs lots of practice. But this was well written and put. Thanks for sharing! I missed ya last week by the way….one of these days…i promise! xoxo Zo