I’ve been on a vacation from writing.

It was sort of a self-imposed vacation.

Then I realized that every little thing happening to me was processed in the form of a blog post in my head. I just can’t not write.

It doesn’t matter anymore if it is popular.

It doesn’t matter if people think I’m weird because I blog and I say the stuff that maybe they were thinking but wouldn’t say out loud.

I wouldn’t be me if I weren’t occasionally putting my foot in my mouth.

A friend recently told me that she can always call me for advice because she knows I’ve been there. It got me thinking… I have “been there”. Nothing extraordinary happens to me. However, a lot of the normal every day crap happens to me all of the time and I was meant to share it. If nothing else maybe I can make you feel better about yourself when you read this because I am sure you handle the situations better than I did – for instance, you probably haven’t called your toddler an asshole out loud recently because of his crazy devil child behavior. Feel better? You’re welcome.

So, this website has a renewed vigor and purpose. I will be my ordinary everyday self and you can come here to laugh at me or with me. You chose. This life isn’t getting any longer and for whatever reason, I experience it best in the form of words on virtual paper.

PS – Yes I did call my toddler a bad name. I felt terrible, blamed it on 3 days of sleep deprivation and immediately scooped him up and covered him with kisses. Sometimes, you just have to get it out of your head to realize you don’t really mean it.

After a blissful weekend with the family, I approached Monday with cautious optimism. Sunday had been filled with sun and celebration of my mom’s birthday. I had even managed to get all three children to take a nap at the same time. I got to lay out on my deck, ocean in plain view and a margarita in my hand. Sunday was nice. You can see why I thought that Monday was going to be okay, I was going to not only survive the first day of my work week…I might actually have a good day. (insert maniacal laughter here)

Getting ready this morning, Kevin and I were having yet another lively discussion about disaster preparedness. I explained that Jesus could take me at any moment now because my closet was actually clean. Any of you who remember my shopping post last year, know that my closet being clean and organized is as sure as sign as any that the apocalypse is forthcoming. In fact, pretty sure that the Bible mentions it in Revelations. Right after the giant cosmic battle for the world begins and right before Jesus shows up on a horse.

Jesus rides a horse? Girl what Bible you reading?

Look, you are missing the point. My closet is clean. It wasn’t until the closet was in a lesser state of chaos that I noticed one of the overhead lights was out and one of the sliding doors wasn’t sliding anymore. After mentioning my to-do list to Kevin,  he gets out of the shower, wraps a towel around himself and walks over to my closet to inspect the situation. His main job description, aside from Disaster Planner, is Fixer Man. Oh and Trash Man. I don’t do trash. People, it is pretty glorious being married to me. Like really, awesome.

As he is inspecting the slow rolling door situation, he looks up at the overhead light. This is how “distractable” people do things, halfway into one problem, investigate other tangent. Apparently I am a “distractable” writer…..So, then he decides the light situation is more pressing and removes the plastic casing in front of the light. That’s when things go black. Black Monday. Here is the scene of the crime:

I am blow drying my hair (this is a theme these days) and hear a little girl scream. A little 6’4″ 190 lb girl. As I start to laugh, thinking that Kevin must have encountered a spider in this little adventure.

Oh no, so much worse than that.

Remember the part of the story where I say that Kevin was only wearing a towel? Well, as he is removing the plastic, a rat fell upon him. NOT a small one. NOT a live one.

A.BIG.DEAD.RAT.

Oh, you think I’m kidding?

This object, formerly known as Rat, was nearly petrified. It had been sitting in that casing for so long that it was probably the reason the light burned out in the first place. Clearly the light in the picture above leads to crawl space access  so it is not an unlikely scenario that this rat would end up there. However, what I want to know is who endured the smell of this rat carcass decaying? When this guy went to the big rat heaven in the sky, the scent, made worse by the fluorescent light he was cooking under, couldn’t have been pleasant. What in the world landlord – really? It isn’t like our house was empty for any long period of time before we moved in so someone had to wonder what was “cooking” in that bathroom.

After the rat and the screaming and the almost puking were all completed. I cautiously got ready for the rest of my day. A day that just really couldn’t get any worse right? I mean when your day starts with petrified rats falling from the sky, clearly things can only get better?

Yeah, then I got a parking ticket at work. Seriously.

If this week keeps going in this direction, I am pretty sure the disaster preparedness will be fully necessary. Those zombies just might show up after all. Well, at least my closet is clean, and as of now, rat free.

All,

Just wanted to say thank you for all of your comments lately. I love logging in and seeing your comments! Even when you disagree with me – Hi Betty! – I still love the dialogue. It is always interesting to me to see people who know me through other people – Hi Sara! – commenting on the site and saying that they read it regularly.

I love to write and it makes it that much more enjoyable to know that people are reading and engaging with me. You guys are the best and you keep me going. So keep reading and tell your friends…Mama needs a book deal

Jenn

PS – another post coming today on politics…don’t be surprised if I change my mind yet again. I know what you’re thinking, “Jenn you fickle, fickle woman!” I know, I’m a real pain in the ass but at least I keep it entertaining………

I don’t know where to start with today. It seems that since my feet hit the floor everything has gone awry. Joshua woke up early, Isaac woke up grumpy. We ran out of craisins (who knew this was such a big deal?), then the coffee machine wouldn’t stop beeping. My pants are too tight because I have eaten like a pig lately, packing on 4 pounds of pure fat.

I got all the way to work – 20 miles away – and realized that I had the keys with me that my mother needed in order to get her car out of the driveway. I then had to go back, in major traffic and basically retrace my steps. I ended up taking the boys to school myself and on the way Isaac told me that he had taken a toy from school but it was “okay” because he was bringing it back. I had to explain to him that borrowing without asking is stealing. By the time I got to work for the second time - I was emotionally exhausted.

As I was completing some mundane task at work, I got an email from a good friend at my old job. They are remodeling (?) my old office and came across something of mine. All of the sudden I was crying over a stupid letter opener that I don’t even want. I think I was crying because I can’t believe that time has marched on so quickly and here I am, doing what it is I do for work. Some days I just miss my old job. I miss feeling important, respected and part of a team that makes policy decisions.  I miss having my own office. I know these things are not important in the scheme of life but once you’ve had them…it is hard to go backwards.

God has brought me so far on this journey of major life change. Somedays, I just get caught up in the moment and I can’t see the big picture. Today was one of those days.

Oh people, my how things have changed. I know lately I haven’t posted much but things have been CRAZY. Well, more accurately, I have been crazy. Let’s just say that this move has left me with hills and valley’s of emotions and I have been learning a lot about my ability to deal with change. I guess I should have taken Who Moved MY Cheese more seriously…maybe I would have transitioned better.

Anyhow, this week I started running with two girls from work in the mornings. They are both beautiful, young and incredibly in shape (Hi Jenny!) At first I was intimidated but we have had a great time running together and I feel monumentally better throughout the day when I run in the morning.

This morning was particularly fantastic as we happened to run by a certain doctor that the girls know. He lives just a bit off of our running path and we zig zagged out of the way in order to catch a peak of his house. Well, holy moly did we hit gold.

As we nonchalantly jogged by, it appeared that said doctor was (with windows WIDE OPEN) doing pull ups on a bar in his front room. WITH NO SHIRT ON. People, what happened after this was like a scene out of a stupid chick flick. Let’s just say there was lots of high pitched giggling and yet another sprint past the poor, unsuspecting doc’s window. We are grown women mind you, but we aren’t above stalking hot doctors apparently. Now, given that I am a happily married woman (hi honey!) I will say that this little adventure was strictly an information reconaissance mission for my lovely single girl friend, so you could say that I took one for the team. Really, I never leave a fellow soldier behind. I have strict military like morals.

I can’t imagine what the neighbors thought as we cackled loudly outside their windows at O’Dark Hundred, maybe geese flying West for Fall? Anyhow, I fear we were less mature than we would like to think.

 One of the girls I run with is getting married on the beach in Carmel next weekend. She is marrying a secret agent man (seriously, she can’t even tell me about him because she’d have to kill me or something) Apparently, aside from her good taste in men, she MUST NEED glasses because she has asked me to do her makeup for her wedding. (My mom is so proud! Hi Mom!)Although when I told my sister (who is a stylist) that someone asked me to do their makeup, she asked if that meant someone was going to ask her to run for Congress. Point taken Nikki.

So I am thinking that I will post some before and after photo’s of the blushing bride so y’all can see my mad make-up skills. I might have missed my calling as a MAC counter girl, however given that I am a HER and not a SHIM, maybe I wouldn’t make it there too long.

Anyhow, running this morning, while fully entertaining, was a bit hard because my children refuse to sleep. Isaac and Joshua, at least once a week decide to tag team me in the middle of the night with a parade of requests for water, bottles and bathroom trips. I am thinking that we are going to have to separate the two little tyrants and move Josh to the guest bedroom because I can’t hang with the lack of sleep. Somehow the man sleeping next to me manages to sleep through the Midnight Masterpiece Theater of Children – although they are so loud I don’t know how.

Look for my regular Friday Fasting post tomorrow, as I am screaming up on the end of week 2 of no shopping. One day at a time, people, one day at a time.

For those of you a little concerned about my mental status, just thought I would let you know that I am doing better. Yes, the “no shopping thing” is still a go and no, I am not going to jump off a cliff as a result. I do not believe anyone has ever perished due to lack of retail therapy, I don’t think…

I have been infinitely frustrated at my inability to let go of my old life and job and embrace the brave new world that surrounds me. As I drive to and from work I am astonished by the beauty of my new hometown and equally surprised by the fact that beauty doesn’t trump all my other feelings about the move and the changes. However, I do feel that I am starting to adjust a little better. Really, I am, I promise.

I spent some time doing some volunteer work last night and it was really great – not the work itself, but the opportunity it afforded me to meet new people, which was much needed. Also, we are really enjoying Shoreline Community Church in Monterey and are pretty sure that is where we will get involved. So, things are coming together.

Kevin is out of town for business for the next three days, so it is just me and my little boys. I am actually looking forward to spending time with them, even if it is chaotic being a faux single mommy for the week. Never mind the fact that I had to bribe Isaac to get dressed this morning with marshmallows and that Joshie went to daycare in his pajamas…..

The good news is, I have a new David Sedaris book that should keep me entertained in the evenings and it is Tuesday…what does that have to do with anything you ask? Um, Tori and Dean is on tonight!!!

Thanks for all of your emails and comments people, it keeps me going!