Oh people, my how things have changed. I know lately I haven’t posted much but things have been CRAZY. Well, more accurately, I have been crazy. Let’s just say that this move has left me with hills and valley’s of emotions and I have been learning a lot about my ability to deal with change. I guess I should have taken Who Moved MY Cheese more seriously…maybe I would have transitioned better.

Anyhow, this week I started running with two girls from work in the mornings. They are both beautiful, young and incredibly in shape (Hi Jenny!) At first I was intimidated but we have had a great time running together and I feel monumentally better throughout the day when I run in the morning.

This morning was particularly fantastic as we happened to run by a certain doctor that the girls know. He lives just a bit off of our running path and we zig zagged out of the way in order to catch a peak of his house. Well, holy moly did we hit gold.

As we nonchalantly jogged by, it appeared that said doctor was (with windows WIDE OPEN) doing pull ups on a bar in his front room. WITH NO SHIRT ON. People, what happened after this was like a scene out of a stupid chick flick. Let’s just say there was lots of high pitched giggling and yet another sprint past the poor, unsuspecting doc’s window. We are grown women mind you, but we aren’t above stalking hot doctors apparently. Now, given that I am a happily married woman (hi honey!) I will say that this little adventure was strictly an information reconaissance mission for my lovely single girl friend, so you could say that I took one for the team. Really, I never leave a fellow soldier behind. I have strict military like morals.

I can’t imagine what the neighbors thought as we cackled loudly outside their windows at O’Dark Hundred, maybe geese flying West for Fall? Anyhow, I fear we were less mature than we would like to think.

 One of the girls I run with is getting married on the beach in Carmel next weekend. She is marrying a secret agent man (seriously, she can’t even tell me about him because she’d have to kill me or something) Apparently, aside from her good taste in men, she MUST NEED glasses because she has asked me to do her makeup for her wedding. (My mom is so proud! Hi Mom!)Although when I told my sister (who is a stylist) that someone asked me to do their makeup, she asked if that meant someone was going to ask her to run for Congress. Point taken Nikki.

So I am thinking that I will post some before and after photo’s of the blushing bride so y’all can see my mad make-up skills. I might have missed my calling as a MAC counter girl, however given that I am a HER and not a SHIM, maybe I wouldn’t make it there too long.

Anyhow, running this morning, while fully entertaining, was a bit hard because my children refuse to sleep. Isaac and Joshua, at least once a week decide to tag team me in the middle of the night with a parade of requests for water, bottles and bathroom trips. I am thinking that we are going to have to separate the two little tyrants and move Josh to the guest bedroom because I can’t hang with the lack of sleep. Somehow the man sleeping next to me manages to sleep through the Midnight Masterpiece Theater of Children - although they are so loud I don’t know how.

Look for my regular Friday Fasting post tomorrow, as I am screaming up on the end of week 2 of no shopping. One day at a time, people, one day at a time.

For those of you a little concerned about my mental status, just thought I would let you know that I am doing better. Yes, the “no shopping thing” is still a go and no, I am not going to jump off a cliff as a result. I do not believe anyone has ever perished due to lack of retail therapy, I don’t think…

I have been infinitely frustrated at my inability to let go of my old life and job and embrace the brave new world that surrounds me. As I drive to and from work I am astonished by the beauty of my new hometown and equally surprised by the fact that beauty doesn’t trump all my other feelings about the move and the changes. However, I do feel that I am starting to adjust a little better. Really, I am, I promise.

I spent some time doing some volunteer work last night and it was really great - not the work itself, but the opportunity it afforded me to meet new people, which was much needed. Also, we are really enjoying Shoreline Community Church in Monterey and are pretty sure that is where we will get involved. So, things are coming together.

Kevin is out of town for business for the next three days, so it is just me and my little boys. I am actually looking forward to spending time with them, even if it is chaotic being a faux single mommy for the week. Never mind the fact that I had to bribe Isaac to get dressed this morning with marshmallows and that Joshie went to daycare in his pajamas…..

The good news is, I have a new David Sedaris book that should keep me entertained in the evenings and it is Tuesday…what does that have to do with anything you ask? Um, Tori and Dean is on tonight!!!

Thanks for all of your emails and comments people, it keeps me going!

Because I am totally self-involved and I assume that what I think is interesting, you will too, I have composed a little Thursday morning link round-up.  Surf away!

I read this article this morning, a bit depressing. If all of us are going to be overweight, will a size 10be the new 4? I could totally dig that. However, in 40 years I will be in my 70’s and given my portuguese heritage, I will be lucky if I haven’t shrunk to 4′11” and am sporting a good 200 lbs.

Since I am on a health link kick, I was surfing around about the benefits of flaxseed in your diet. My new boss told me it would boost my metabolism, WebMD said it might cause uncontrollable diarriha.  Up to you.

Since it is Thursday, and this website is all about Thursday and hair, it seemed appropriate. Super fun website to check out if you like hair make-overs. Also, if you have time, shoot over to the author’s blog. She is super funny. I mean, not funnier than me but if you have to substitute, it wouldn’t be a bad choice.

So what do you get when you cross a porn star with a chest thumping, testosterone driven UFC fighter? Well, apparently the world is going to find out. Do you think she’ll breast feed? I guess the better question is, with all the steroids will he?

And finally, I know this is from last thursday but I am still laughing about it, so I figured I would spread the joy.

Oh and did any of you watch the new episode of Tori and Dean this week? I’ll catch you up - Tori and Dean still haven’t moved into their new house, then they wrote a song and then baby Stella was born and I cried like a little tiny girl.

Happy Thursday y’all!

I have a really cute outfit on today, if I must say. My hair turned out good as well and as I came in to work I was feeling sassy. I was rocking the red carpet entry into my office. I figure if you have to dislike your job, you might as well look good doing it, right?

Then…

After my third cup of coffee, I had to hit the restroom. As I was finishing up, I realized that my underwear were on inside out. What am I 5 years old?

I want another baby but I don’t have the attention span for one. But I crave that newborn smell, do you?

How is the “points” diet system any different than budgeting? I am not good at budgeting so methinks this diet might not be right for me.

I hate it when people repeat their own jokes, not because you didn’t hear it the first time but because they think they are funnier than they are.

I am officially sick of working in a man’s world.

I wish I would’ve gone to law school or finished my master’s because a lot more opportunities would be open to me.

I hate my job and for the first time in my adult life I find myself fantasizing about running out of my workplace screaming.

I see a pattern here – do you?

My best friend asked me recently why I couldn’t just sit at my job and get paid, more specifically why I feel the need to “climb the ladder.” I wish I had an answer to this other than, it is who I am.

I have been told multiple times in my life to stop thinking so much. Now would be good.

New job and I am sick. I feel terrible, will resume posting later this week….if I don’t die.

Feeling a little under inspired today - first day at a new job will do that to a girl. I sat through 9 hours of orientation. Gawd it was awful. I ate three cookies and drank 6 cups of Farmers Brew coffee just to keep myself awake through the “How to avoid infections diseases” portion  of the day. At some point the word “sputum” was used, which caused my drowsy head to jerk into an upright position and I wondered whether or not I had chuckled out loud or just dreamed that I did.

On the home front, my mom is in town watching the kiddos for me this week. Her first day went off without a hitch, except Josh karate kicked his crib in a (successful) attempt to avoid a nap. He actually managed to dislodge the whole side of the crib and it fell to the floor, with him riding it like a wave. So, long story short…he starts his MMA training next week. Kimbo’s got nothing on my little whitebread brawler. I’m sure he’ll be sporting gold teeth and matching contusions over each eye by 3rd grade, asking everyone to refer to him as the White Heat.

Assuming the children don’t burn down the house and I don’t encounter any infections “sputum” at work, I should make it through this week with lots to write about.

Dear Tori Spelling,

Just stop it. For years, I have hated you. I have made fun of you and your fake boobs that hung so unpleasantly off of your emaciated chest, as though trying desperately to leave your presence. I despised your character on 90210 and I didn’t care whether or not you slept with David. I just wanted you to go away so I could keep on pretending that Kelly and I were friends.

After the 90210 years you thankfully dropped off the radar for a bit. Then back you came with a vengeance in some ridiculous faux reality show and a big Beverly Hills style wedding. I was annoyed again. Whenever you were on a gossip mag I would be so upset because, other than being Aaron Spelling’s daughter…what did you do? You were like the pre-Paris Hilton. Like a Paris Hilton warm-up. (thankfully you wore underwear, because I seriously would’ve clawed my own eyes out if that would’ve shown up in a magazine)

Then, we all got to hear about your affair with a married man and your expeditious divorce to first husband. In my mind, I figured your were just being who I expected you to be. Mostly I wanted you and whatever husband you stuck with to use your frontal floatation devices and get lost at sea.

Then, a month ago, out of sheer boredom I stumbled across your new season of Tori and Dean. I thought that I would watch a few minutes, yell at the television and be done with it. Oh, but Tori you vixen, you knew that wouldn’t be the case.

Here you are, in my front room, pregnant and funny and vulnerable. WHAT? I am actually liking you? Hold on, maybe I need to re-think everything? Okay, can I blame global warming?

Seriously, as you talked away on the show I was thinking that you were saying things I would say. You were being paranoid that your hubby was cheating with a hot scuba instructor and I thought, well you should be because he cheated with you. Then you said, “we started with cheating and so I will always be fearful that he will cheat again.” Whoa. Okay, something happened and started to like you.

So, now four episodes in to Tori and Dean and I am hooked. I actually told someone the other day they should watch your show and they looked at me like I had definitely spent too much time at home with the kids.

Tori, here is the bottom line. I used to hate you and now I think we could be friends. If you are faking all of this, I’m gonna be pissed. Be real with me girl, if you want this thing to last we have to be honest with each other.

Sincerely,

Your new fan - Jenn

So, just because I have been changing diapers for a living doesn’t mean that I have completely resigned in my position as headline news correspondant to the stars. (The Captain never ceases having opinions, sometimes she just resigns to share them entirely with her family…lucky them!)

So, a while back I heard a presentation done by a management consultant. He was attempting to show the aging “Baby Boomers” how to let go and let the next generation lead. Basically, his topic was succession planning. Anyone in the workplace knows that we are about to experience a major managment drain in the next 5 years as the Boomers head to Sunnyhill Manor.

Now, first off, we all know that the Boomer generation has some mad leadership skills that have served this country and many, many companies very well. However, some of them are in their 70’s now and it is time to retire and go fishing/golfing/drinking/whatever. So, as they exit the workplace who are they to leave in charge?

Typically this would be the next generation, which in this case is Generation X. Gen X is usually defined as those born from 1965-1980 (dates vary). The way I like to think of it is Gen Xr’s should know the following: the first video played on MTV, the name of U2’s first hit single, what night the Cosby Show was on, who Alex P Keaton is, why Zach and Kelly broke up, what Grunge is and who the two Corey’s are.

So back to the consultant. Well, Mr. Brilliant had this to say, “Skip Generation X completely, too few of them are management material, and go straight to training Generation Y (the Millenials).”

What?

Did he just say that? Before I could put on my cape and go WWF on this guy, some jokes were made about how he wasn’t entirely serious but basically Gen X was a bunch of overpaid slackers with inappropriate expectations due to the scars left from their parents’ divorces in the 80’s. Well, that and it is mostly Madonna’s fault.

Alight look, we all know that Generation X has its’ flaws. I mean, those of us who watched Reality Bites and said “Hell yes! Fight the Man! Don’t work at the Gap!” have some tendencies toward belief in corporate espionage and tend to be a bit too sarcastic for our own good. But does that mean that an entire generation should be discounted for leading this country and it’s corporations into the next era? Hell no!

After I took a deep breathe and realized this was just another typical Boomer talking I did some self-reflection. What does Generation X stand for and what do we have to offer? Everyone knows the Boomers are smart and motivated by their WW II era work ethic. However, they also tend to be stuck in their ways and unable to see the forest through the trees. They invented the 70-80 hour work week and they think that anything less is proof of non-committment.

So, what does Gen X we bring to the table? (besides a belief that Eddie Vedder is a demi-god and that flannel was a fashion trend worth recognizing?) Here’s what I think (I know you were waiting for this). I think that we haven’t yet shown the world what we have to offer. We haven’t stood as a collective voice and said that we want to be the leaders. We experienced a totally different reality than the Boomers, we saw divorce and MTV and a general lack of commitment from those who were leading us. Because of this, Gen X has an overdeveloped sense of entitlement about what we deserve from the world and highly attuned sense of sarcasm. But we are also smart, really smart. Some of my fellow X’rs are incredibly educated and also really committed to making family life a priority. I think we might be the generation to show the world what a real work-life balance can look like.

Yes, we demand a lot from our employers. We are the generation that saw the Family Leave Act come to fruition and we also have demanded equal rights for domestic partners. We care about the family (no matter what it looks like) because a lot of us were lonely kids. We want more for our kids and sometimes our work life takes a back seat.

However, America I ask you…is that such a bad thing? Does that disqualify us for leadership like that jackass consultant said? Or does it mean that we can show the next generation that you don’t have to work 70 hours a week in order to be the boss? I vote for the latter.

I have to say, as with most things that make me mad - like the scale, or So You Think You Can Dance result show night - this motivated me. This consultant threw down the gauntlet and said our generation wasn’t worth it. I say, not only are we worth it, we can be damn funny and real while we prove that we are. Come on people, show those Boomers’ who is boss (no not the 80’s television show, you Tony Danza lovers).

I don’t know about you, but I just want to make Mr. Huxtable proud.

Update: you must read this article. I found it after I wrote this and it is really great.

I don’t know how to explain my day other than, the children, they won.

The flag is on the field, people.

I actually went to the store and bought a greeting card, jelly and a melon… three items I didn’t really need, just to get the children out of the house. It didn’t help as they proceeded to make an ass out of me and fully prove that they are, in fact, in charge. They pulled crap off the shelves, whined, screamed and actually came to fisticuffs with each other over a steering wheel.

I am calling in sick tomorrow because my bosses are tyrants.