I don’t want to open up a hornet’s nest. However, I can’t stop thinking about this issue, probably because a week after the election, it is still front page news. The issue is Prop 8 and how I am still upset that it passed.

I know some of you are saying - but Jenn you are a church going Christian, don’t you believe that marriage is between a man and a woman? The answer is, yes. I, in fact, do believe that marriage is between a man and a woman. However, that is not what Prop 8 was really about.

Those who sponsored Prop 8 presented you and I with a false dilemma. They forced us to choose whether or not gay couples in California could marry, under our (read:Judeo-Christian) definition of marriage. But this is not the real issue. I believe the backers of Prop 8 used the Christian community to rally against gay marriage, without dealing with the real question - do we as a country allow a group of citizens the right to be in union (whatever you want to call it) with whom they choose? You see, I believe when presented with the option to allow gay couples the same legal rights as straight couples, Californians would have voted YES! All people should have the same rights under the law, no matter their beliefs.

Let me explain further - just because I believe in Jesus and what He said about marriage, does that mean I can’t be supportive of other people who don’t believe what I believe about Jesus? Does that mean that the rights of those people should be reduced by the difference between our two belief systems? I don’t think so. Further, for those that saw the signs saying “Protect Our Families - Vote Yes on 8″ - I ask you, how exactly do gay couples threaten our families? If we are really worried about protecting our families then maybe we should consider our own actions at home before we chastise the actions of others.

I do not put my faith in Government. I do not expect Government to advocate for my beliefs. Mostly because what if they get it wrong? (as they are often known to do) Sometimes Christians miss the obvious on this issue - like what if the Government advocated for Catholic beliefs? Or Southern Baptist? Or Mormon? Even in the ”Christian” community there are thousands of bifurcations on beliefs. I think author and commentator Cal Thomas puts it well:

Thirty years of trying to use government to stop abortion, preserve opposite-sex marriage, improve television and movie content and transform culture into the conservative Evangelical image has failed. The question now becomes: should conservative Christians redouble their efforts, contributing more millions to radio and TV preachers and activists, or would they be wise to try something else?

I opt for trying something else.

Too many conservative Evangelicals have put too much faith in the power of government to transform culture. The futility inherent in such misplaced faith can be demonstrated by asking these activists a simple question: Does the secular left, when it holds power, persuade conservatives to live by their standards? Of course they do not. Why, then, would conservative Evangelicals expect people who do not share their worldview and view of God to accept their beliefs when they control government?

One of my sisters is gay. She lives with her partner and I adore them both. They do not share my view of God or my belief in the Bible. They got married a couple of months ago in a brief civil ceremony. They desire to be with each other until their lives here on earth are over. How can I look at them and say - because I believe in the Bible, and I believe that gay marriage is not what God intended, they therefore should not be together? I, in fact, can not. Maybe that is a weakness of faith on my behalf. However, no matter what I certainly can not ask the government that governs us both to chose my way of life over theirs. It would be a constitutional breach of their rights to pursue their liberty and happiness.

Prop 8 asked us to define, in our Constitution, marriage as being between a man and a woman. We were forced to make a socio-religious decision between two false choices. As usual, the answer to the question of gay marriage lies somewhere in the gray middle, not in the dark spaces on each side. However, I believe there is a very clear answer to the question of whether or not our government should afford the same rights to all citizens of this country, no matter their beliefs.

What do you think?

For those that come here just for the pictures, this post is for you. Below are pic’s from Halloween and the “pet parade” we went to last week in honor of Halloween. People really like their dogs around here. Enjoy!

My house sits on a hill. It gives me a perfect view into the house across the street, especially at night. I guess this could sound weird but really it isn’t.

The couple across the street have been married for more than 50 years. They are both in their late seventies and have a bevy of great grandchildren. I don’t know much more about them than these few facts. However, the view I have of their lives, makes me feel like I know them well.

Our neighborhood is dark at night - Carmel has no streetlights. So, when I am in the kitchen cleaning up after the kids are in bed, I can see the woman across the street cleaning her own kitchen. Sometimes she wears an apron, sometimes she has an old housecoat on. She spends a good portion of her time in the kitchen and I wonder what she cooks. I wonder if she has the recipes memorized, or if they were handed down from her mother. I see something through my kitchen window that transports me to another time. A time when a woman was first a girl, then a wife, then a mother and always a caretaker. Today’s roles are more complicated, or at least we’ve made them so.

Their days are scheduled. They stick to a pattern of activity, no doubt out of tradition. The husband still goes to work every morning and returns promptly at 5 p.m. every day. They eat dinner and then drive to the high school where they slowly walk the track, hand in hand. I know because I have passed them many times on my runs. When I see them, I want to barrel past the awkwardness and ask them how they manage to look so content, so in love after all of these years. There must be a secret, a path.

Often when I see the couple, I am filled with wonder. In today’s age, it seems as though marriages don’t last and people move around many times before settling down. Yet here is this couple, married for an eternity and living the quintessential American dream. I wish I could ask her what it is like to move through all of life’s stages. What it was like to cook a meal for a new husband, a new baby, a new grandchild, a great grandchild. What perspective she must have.

As the daylight hours have waned lately, I am up sometimes before sunrise with the kids. This of course once again, offers me a view into the life across the street. As I stumble to the refrigerator to get milk for Joshua, I see her. She is always drinking her coffee and reading the paper. He is by her side and it looks as though they move in sync without knowledge of it. Even in my sleepy haze, whereby I wonder if this stage of having young children will ever pass, I am pulled into reality that life goes by quickly. One day, I will be sitting at the kitchen table reading the paper (albeit the online version), passing Kevin the coffee before he even asks for it. Wondering, where all the years went.

A few weeks ago my parents came to visit. Actually my Mom, the amazing Jane, was here all week watching my kids and then my Dad and little sister Kenna joined them on the weekend.

While my Mom was watching the kids, she also managed to get a jump start on cleaning up our hideous front yard. Seriously, weeds and rocks and dead plants littered the front yard from Day 1 and Kevin and I just hadn’t gotten around to making it look nice. My Mom however, had begun to make it look pretty and so by Saturday we were all in for a makeover of the lawn and flower bed areas. We had no idea what we were getting into…

If I could say one thing about my parents it is that they are total workhorses. My Dad grunts and groans like Monica Seles whilst toiling away and my Mom likes to act as the job foreman so together, they are a dynamite duo. At the end of the day, I had to take Advil just to fall asleep because everything in my body hurt like heck. I was a little worried that the parents might not make it out of bed the next day.

We all WAY overdid it, however, I think you will agree the results were nice. The Easy Swede is still in need of some real work, but she’s looking pretty good these days.

Isn’t she lovely?

My Mom’s birthday was Saturday and I didn’t wish her a proper birthday with a blog post about how rad she is. Yes, I said rad.

So, my Mama turned 59 this weekend and I know that she is struggling with aging, as we all do. It probably didn’t help that Isaac put the numbers on her cake and turned them around, so they said 95. Oops. However, I wish she would believe me when I tell her that she is beautiful just the way she is, no matter how many decades she has existed on this earth.  Honestly, I hope that I age as well as she has because looking like her as I round the corner on 60 would be a pretty amazing thing.

There is a lot I could say about my Mom here, like the fact that she has a wicked sense of humor and a buff body from all the Pilates she does. I could go on and on about how she has a way of saying just the right thing to me when I am dangling off the cliff of self-involvement and pity. She also has an uncanny way of remembering the name and artist of every song. Everytime we are in the car and the radio is on she says, “Okay, 10 bucks to anyone who can tell me the name and artist of this song.” Sometimes, if she is feeling sassy, she’ll throw in the year it came out as well. Funny though, she always asks because she has the answer but in the event that you do know the answer, the 10 dollars never seems to materialize…

When I was little, my Mom worked hard to make sure that I did my homework, played sports and became a well rounded person. She always pushed me to do a little more than I wanted but never too much so as to be overwhelming. In this respect, she taught me a wonderful life lesson and that is, anything good in your life probably came with a little bit of sacrifice (or a lot).

She wasn’t all homework and hard work though - she knows how to party, my friends. She always had music on and we used to dance around the front room like total freaks when I was little. In fact, I think my greatest ambition at age 6 was to be a Solid Gold dancer. Good times. My mom is also the master at hide and seek. She even plays this game wtih the dogs and manages to freak them out too.

One of her best traits however is that of the housewarming nature. Let me explain…

Every house I have moved into, my Mom has been there from day 1 making it look beautiful and helping unpack. She can make a house look like a home in 48 hours flat. My first apartment in college was decorated a la Jane and my roomates were shocked when they moved in. She helped turn a dumpy college apartment into the cool place to hang out. Now, I will say she has a thing for dried flowers that I don’t share but everything else is spot on.

The older you get, the more you appreciate your parents. I also think that becoming a parent certainly makes you realize how hard that role is and maybe, just maybe, the people who raised you deserve a little grace for their mistakes. I love and appreciate my Mom today more than I ever did when I was little and depended on her for everything. Mostly because now, I fully realize all that she has done for me.

So, Mama - I love you and I am darn glad that you are still around. Thanks for sharing this birthday with me. Here’s to next year, the big 6-0!

So, I got a job! Yeah me!!! Since I can’t blog for a living, I had to go out and secure full time employment outside the confines of the Easy Swede.

I am going to be working at a hospital in Salinas. This particular hospital has some significance in my family’s history that I can’t just gloss over. In fact, this whole move is right out of the twilight zone in so many ways.

To understand this story, one must start at the beginning.

In the swinging crazy 70’s there was a super hot dark haired fella who owned 3 beauty schools on the coast of California. From what I understand, he was the talk of the town and quite the ladies man. One of his students, a beautiful young blonde who lived in Monterey, caught his attention fully.

According to the blonde, it was love at first sight. A bit later, the beauty school owner and the beauty school student were married. They lived in Salinas and were very happy. The blonde got pregnant - with TWINS! They were so happy and prepared for the arrival of their children. One fall day, when the blonde was about 8 months pregnant, she was out doing some gardening and went into early labor.

They rushed to hospital where they worked hard to stop her labor. However, at some point things went wrong and the boys were delivered. This is were things get fuzzy. The blonde was grief stricken and the husband and doctors took charge of the situation. The beautiful blonde, first time mommy, lost her two boys somewhere between labor and delivery.

Nowadays things would be so different. There would be testing and funerals and time to grieve. Back then, in the swinging 70’s, the couple wasn’t given much information and the grief swallowed most of the details whole.

The couple would go on to have a little chubby dark haired angel (if I do say so myself) about 18 months later in another town, a few hours away. Her labor and delivery would be much more joyful and proper. The blonde and her dark haired hubby would be elated and their family would be as complete as they would ever know it to be.

Sometime about 2 years later the dark haired teacher, lover, friend and companion would pass away from cancer. He would take with him the memories of the two boys born early. The blonde would valiantly raise that dark haired little girl and always wonder what really happened that fall day so long ago, when things went so terribly awry.

As I walked into the hospital for my final interview with the still gorgeous blonde by my side, I couldn’t help but wonder what it was like for her. She would see me walk away to my interview, as she headed off to medical records to see if there was any hope of finding out what happened 34 years ago in that same hospital.

What we know now, is that she most likely lost those boys because of a blood clotting issue. The same issue that caused my miscarriages, the same issue that caused the untimely death of my grandfather. Most of the details are still missing but a journey has begun to finally put some pieces of that puzzle together for good.

Life has a strange way of coming full circle. Of twisting and turning and making you wonder where in the world you are going. To see the blonde that day, staring into the mouth of that hospital that swallowed up the memories of her first born children was humbling. As a child there are days when you hate your parents and there are days when you can’t get enough of them. Few and far between are the days when you actually get to understand who they really are and from what they’ve come. Those are the best days.

The blonde survived the loss of her babies and her husband. The loss of a dream of what life could be. She survived and made the best of her life with her dark haired little girl. For this, the dark haired girl is forever grateful.

As I go to work in this hospital, the same one where my brothers saw only a moment of life, I will be keenly aware of my history and from what, by the grace of God I’ve come.

Here are a few pic’s I snapped this week:

Our backyard at sunset.

Isaac after an ice cream cone.

Joshie hiding in a moving box.

Isaac and Aaron (his BFF) in a rare moment of stillness.

Yours truly - where did those wrinkles come from?

So last week my mom and I went for a little trip. We headed over the Monterey to look at daycares and take some measurements at the house. After a very long day of watching stranger’s children play, trying desperately to decipher if they were feeling “fulfilled or enriched by their daycare experience” and asking a thousand questions of daycare providers like “what method of teaching do you use” (when all you really want to ask is if they could possibly love your child just a little bit like you do from 8-5pm) we decided it was time to have some fun. My brain and emotions were fried by the experience and all I wanted to do was laugh.

We headed to the movies to see What Happens in Vegas. (Yes I know that Indiana Jones came out this weekend and please know that if I saw that movie without the Hubby I would be hung by my toes. ) Turns out the movie was hilarious and Ashton Kutcher is, well, very pretty.

As we were waiting for the movie to start we sat down in the theater lobby and were chatting/people watching. I reached into my purse to pull out my lip gloss and my mother did the same. As she pulled her gloss out I said “Hey I have that one!” So I reached for it in my purse. This led to a discussion about how much make-up populated the contents of our purses…..

People are you ready for this?

I can not believe that between the two of us there were 3 nail polishes, 8 lipsticks, two compacts, one lip liner and two mascara’s.

The scary part is that this collection is just the “extras” for our purses. I don’t think the Internet is ready for a picture of my home “kit” or my mother’s for that matter…..

People, I do not know if you have ever had to leave a job after a significant amount of time but it is pretty hard.

I have been with my current employer for 7 years. Given that I only graduated from college 9 years ago, one could say that the majority of my professional career has been at this one place.

As I prepare for this big move, one of the things I have to do is clean out my office. I am not quite to that point yet, but I am trying to clean out old emails and documents from my computer (you know to hide all of the non-work related stuff I have NOT been doing).

As I went about cleaning out my sent emails a weird thing began to unfold.

First of all, I have to say that I.T. would KILL ME if they knew that I have 12,559sent emails in my outbox. More accurately they would tie me to a chair and make stare at the “blue screen of death” while they make “stupid average user” jokes about me like “hey that’s an I D 10 T error.  (that is how computer geeks talk, I know I am married to one… hi Kevie!).

I know, I know. It is totally lame that I have so many sent emails in my outbox. In my defense, I am lazy….

Anyhow, as I went about cleaning them up today I came across some interesting emotional hurdles.

First off, there are emails sent to people in that outbox that have since passed away. There are emails in there to people, whom for whatever reason,  are no longer a part of my life.  It made me realize that a lot has happened in the 7 years since I accepted this job.

One particular set of emails - occurring with one person over a multi- year period - were particularly jarring to my psyche. This person was once family. He was once one of my best friends and he was once the Uncle to my child, whom he adored. However, life happens and he is no longer in the picture. As I read the emails and I could remember what it was like to talk to him, to be so familiar with him I couldn’t help but cringe. He would be a stranger to me today if I saw him on the street. Clearly, I still have grief over this issue and these emails brought this to light.

How do you let someone go from your life that was a part of it for so long? I think every photo album in our house has pictures of him. Am I supposed to take them all out? Am I supposed to let him be the stranger that he wishes to be?

The question however, that truly plagues me is, how well did I really know him in the first place, if he now is totally fine calling me a stranger? I wish I could ask him how he does it. How does he push all of those years and memories aside? He was there when my son was born. He was there when Kevin and I lost our first baby to miscarriage. He was in the house when Kevin’s mom passed away from cancer. We were there for him, we chose him, when the going got tough in our family. And now he desires to be just a ghost in our past.

Life takes some crazy turns. This one I never expected. As I pushed the button and deleted all of the emails, taking the time to only read a few, I realized this move is truly cleansing.

We are leaving a whole host of good memories behind here in the Valley but there are some moments, some pieces frozen in my mind that I wish to walk away from with a fresh start.

 Scene: Isaac is jumping on the bed, while I am laying there trying to convince him to put his pajamas on.

Isaac: Did you hear that?

Me: (sigh) Yes.

Isaac: I tooted.

Me: I know.

Isaac: Can you smell it? I can smell it. I can smell it a lot.