After a blissful weekend with the family, I approached Monday with cautious optimism. Sunday had been filled with sun and celebration of my mom’s birthday. I had even managed to get all three children to take a nap at the same time. I got to lay out on my deck, ocean in plain view and a margarita in my hand. Sunday was nice. You can see why I thought that Monday was going to be okay, I was going to not only survive the first day of my work week…I might actually have a good day. (insert maniacal laughter here)

Getting ready this morning, Kevin and I were having yet another lively discussion about disaster preparedness. I explained that Jesus could take me at any moment now because my closet was actually clean. Any of you who remember my shopping post last year, know that my closet being clean and organized is as sure as sign as any that the apocalypse is forthcoming. In fact, pretty sure that the Bible mentions it in Revelations. Right after the giant cosmic battle for the world begins and right before Jesus shows up on a horse.

Jesus rides a horse? Girl what Bible you reading?

Look, you are missing the point. My closet is clean. It wasn’t until the closet was in a lesser state of chaos that I noticed one of the overhead lights was out and one of the sliding doors wasn’t sliding anymore. After mentioning my to-do list to Kevin,  he gets out of the shower, wraps a towel around himself and walks over to my closet to inspect the situation. His main job description, aside from Disaster Planner, is Fixer Man. Oh and Trash Man. I don’t do trash. People, it is pretty glorious being married to me. Like really, awesome.

As he is inspecting the slow rolling door situation, he looks up at the overhead light. This is how “distractable” people do things, halfway into one problem, investigate other tangent. Apparently I am a “distractable” writer…..So, then he decides the light situation is more pressing and removes the plastic casing in front of the light. That’s when things go black. Black Monday. Here is the scene of the crime:

I am blow drying my hair (this is a theme these days) and hear a little girl scream. A little 6’4″ 190 lb girl. As I start to laugh, thinking that Kevin must have encountered a spider in this little adventure.

Oh no, so much worse than that.

Remember the part of the story where I say that Kevin was only wearing a towel? Well, as he is removing the plastic, a rat fell upon him. NOT a small one. NOT a live one.

A.BIG.DEAD.RAT.

Oh, you think I’m kidding?

This object, formerly known as Rat, was nearly petrified. It had been sitting in that casing for so long that it was probably the reason the light burned out in the first place. Clearly the light in the picture above leads to crawl space access  so it is not an unlikely scenario that this rat would end up there. However, what I want to know is who endured the smell of this rat carcass decaying? When this guy went to the big rat heaven in the sky, the scent, made worse by the fluorescent light he was cooking under, couldn’t have been pleasant. What in the world landlord – really? It isn’t like our house was empty for any long period of time before we moved in so someone had to wonder what was “cooking” in that bathroom.

After the rat and the screaming and the almost puking were all completed. I cautiously got ready for the rest of my day. A day that just really couldn’t get any worse right? I mean when your day starts with petrified rats falling from the sky, clearly things can only get better?

Yeah, then I got a parking ticket at work. Seriously.

If this week keeps going in this direction, I am pretty sure the disaster preparedness will be fully necessary. Those zombies just might show up after all. Well, at least my closet is clean, and as of now, rat free.

*UPDATE*: I am not even kidding that I received this email from my husband in response to this post:

You’re still not taking this as seriously as you should. No worries, I will prepare our family and let you enjoy the benefit of survival.

And then, this morning I receive this email at work:

                             Disaster Preparedness

 

                                1200-1300 

 

                    Director of the Naval Postgraduate School’s

                     Center for Homeland Defense and Security

 

                             ALL are INVITED. 

 

  Along with the presentation, there will be a table with preparedness materials for staff.

 

 

Holy crap. Between these conversations and the article today on CNN that high heels are bad for your feet, I am pretty sure we are going to be dealing with flesh eating zombies soon. And not the friendly kind.

The following conversation occured this morning while I was innocently blow drying my hair:

Husband (wanders in, coffee in hand): We need to have a disaster plan.

Me: um, okay? What’s up?

Husband: Well we need to be prepared as a family in the event of a disaster, you know a solar flare or nuclear fall out situation.

Me: ? Are you serious right now? You know I haven’t had any coffee yet, right? New rule, no talking about nuclear ANYTHING before I’ve had coffee.

Husband: I was just thinking that we need a plan, you know for food, water and the like. We don’t want to have to go to the store and face the anarchy that will be going on.

Me: ANARCHY? First amendment to rule, no talking about anarchy before coffee either. What have you been reading this morning? I thought you were upstairs doing your Bible study???? Were you reading Revelations or something? You know that after reading the Left Behind series I fully believe we will be raptured before all the bad stuff goes down – I mean LaHaye said so.

Husband (ignoring me completely): Well, we have the gun we just need food and a water filtration system. And a meeting point. Maybe the Big Sur Mountains?

Me: I am thinking of nothing but the movie Red Dawn. I can almost see myself hiding in the mountains with a can of beans, fighting the Soviet Army.

Husband: You aren’t taking me seriously. I’m going upstairs.

Me: WOLVERINES!

11 years ago today…..

Two very naive 22 year old’s set out on a journey. We had no idea how lovely and how hard it would be. We also had no idea that adding 3 children to the mix might complicate things a bit.

Marriage is challenging and beautiful all at the same time but I wouldn’t want to go through this life with anyone else. I love you Kevin, Happy Anniversary!

I haven’t posted pictures in AGES. So, I figured it was time to add a little color to the blog.

Before I do however, I thought I would share with you that I have decided that I am no longer going to call it “going to bed.” Realistically, what I do at night is take a series of interrupted naps. Last night I got 6 -one hour long naps, all punctuated by either a crying baby, a request for water or a request for comfort due to a bad dream. Maybe if I just plan on taking “naps” I will be less upset when I am woken up 7 times each night. Or maybe, I’m just going to go sleep in the garage…

Slowly, it’s coming to me. A grayish memory, an old fashioned photo in my mind and heart. What once was and what may be again. Rolling like waves around each other, drinking the newness in, we wonder if we can start over.

Will it last? Will you come to me again, old love lost and regained. Hard work never let anyone down, right?

Forever ago we danced in the moonlight, kissed on the curb in the hot summer nights. We moved in and rearranged. I stood on principal, you stood for nothing and everything all at once. Both of us complete in our error, our selfish ways.  

So much at stake now, tiny feet and hands. Worried we might let them down, letting each other down one misplaced word at a time.

Here I am, broken and wanting before you. Feeling like a tiny pebble, rolling in your hand. Waiting to be crushed, hoping to be admired. Can you hold me tight again, until I glow with your heat?

I cheated. Totally gave my heart and attention to another. The man I stood up and pledged to love forever in front of 200 some odd people, took a backseat to another boy.

It started 6 years ago. We’d been married for a little over 4 years. We were in love and still young enough to look good in swimsuits. Then it happened. It came on like a train and I couldn’t stop it.

First was the positive test. Then the ultrasound, then labor. Then I held him for the first time. Oh Isaac. My first love, my husband was immediately moved to second place.

Then Joshua, and now Elijah. Three boys to take my time, attention and heart. Don’t get me wrong, being a mother is a life force type of power that takes you over and changes you for the better. However, I, like most other mom’s, forgot how I came to be a mother in the first place.

He was 19 and totally head over heels in love. I fell shortly there after. We cuddled, sent flowers, wrote letters and talked of our great adventure together. Somewhere between those days and late night diaper changes I forgot how to be a girlfriend, a best friend.

I know it sounds weird to say that I’ve been cheating on my husband with my kids but I have and I think a lot of other mom’s are guilty of the same crime. The child in front of you comes first because his or her needs are immediate. The man you married stands behind, a good man, waiting. By the time you fall into bed at night, exhausted by the day, you have nothing left to give.

I don’t want this anymore. I confess my lack of  devotion to my marriage. I nag to be romanced and remembered, yet, I know he feels my heart’s priorities have shifted away from him and to the children. I love my children, more than life, but I am begging to find a better balance. After all, if my marriage suffers because I neglect to nurture my relationship with my husband, then doesn’t that shatter the foundation I want my children to stand on?

Please don’t misunderstand my confession here, I am not saying I need to pay less attention to my children. I am just saying it is time to make my marriage a priority again. To talk with my best friend about more than taxes, school schedules and grocery lists. We used to sit and dream together, wonder what the universe would offer us. I want those times back and I believe it is up to me to initiate it.