If you are a male, particularly a male family member of mine, no need to read further – this post is for the ladies only, do you feel me girls? Amen!

Okay so for roughly 22 years now, I have a certain predictable event happen every month. You would think that by now, I would know the signs, be able to ward off unsuspecting town folk from the tyrant queen storming around the castle for the week. However, every month inevitably I find myself in tears, in a rage or inside of a bag of potato chips wondering “what is wrong with me? should I see someone for this?”

Then POOF, two days later a certain Aunt Flow shows up and I’m all “oh yeah, PMS!” What? How do I not know the signs by know?

Two decades of experience with this hormonal matter should tell me that when any of the following happen, it is time to check a calendar and lock myself in my bedroom for the near term:

- the intense desire to put frosting on any/all immobile objects

- the sudden belief that ANYONE driving in front of me is missing a temporal lobe

- the brilliant idea to part my hair on the other side (just for kicks) and then cry uncontrollably at monster that suddenly appeared in the mirror

- crazy ideas about new outfit pairings in my closet ( you know what I’m saying here….its the “hey what if I put this plaid jacket with these green pants that never really fit right when I bought them” scenario ) only to once again be reduced to tears when the monster in the mirror mocks me

- random explosions of emotion at my husband for not spending enough time with me  that alternate evenly with angry “why don’t you just LEAVE ME ALONE FOR ONCE” statements

Any and all of these signs are harbingers of every girls monthly dilemma, it isn’t rocket science. So why does it catch me off guard every month? Will I ever learn? Maybe I should laminate the list above and put it on the refrigerator as a reminder, an intervention if you will.

I think that would be a great idea…up and until I am actually engaged in PMS and then I would read it, and promptly proclaim that the fridge just called me “fat.”

What’s a girl to do?

*UPDATE: Husband requested I change the title of this post, said it gives him bad mental images. I say…mission accomplished!

*UPDATE #2: New title – “Stop or I’ll Frost You”

*UPDATE #3: Did someone say frosting? That reminds me……

Okay that last post was just sad. Like, “hey maybe you should go talk to your counselor” sad. Oh wait, I did! And I feel better! I decided that today I am going to share with you the things that are making me happy, things that are reminding me it ain’t all bad out there.

1. I am loving this picture I took of Joshua in Lincoln. I can’t get enough of this kid and his spunk. He reminds me that life is full of good and fun, sometimes you just have to go look for it – on a motorcycle, naked.

2. I am loving Lydia and Elise. Born 8 weeks early and perfectly healthy to my beautiful friend Bethanni and her husband Ryan. I can’t imagine a better family for these little angels to be born into. I can’t look at their pictures and not smile. Beth has two little boys at home already which is why her website is called “little boys rock” and I am thinking she is going to have to get a new domain name now!

3. My therapist. Enough said.

4. I don’t know if you read the website “stuff christians like” by Jon Acuff but man that site just makes my day. He is so funny, like really darn funny. I follow him on Twitter and it makes me smile every time he updates….

5. I can’t do a post about things I am loving without including a food item because well, I am just a foodie like that. So this week, I am loving the Healthy Choice chocolate ice cream bars from Costco. only 100 calories! And so good! There is a lot of stuff out there boasting only 100 calories and my problem with most of these items is that it takes me a total of 10 seconds to finish it and then I’m all “what’s next?” but these ice cream bars last a while and I feel like my sweet tooth (aka SUGAR MONSTER MAMA) feels somewhat satisfied.

That is the list people. AND IT IS FRIDAY. AND MY KIDS ARE OVER THE FLU. So, I will celebrate. I will, I promise.

I’ll be honest, this week has just plain sucked. Elijah developed a nasty case of constipation, followed by quite the opposite of constipation and with lots of screaming. Lots. At 1, 2, and 3 AM. I am tired, beat down by the children and work. In light of this negative state where I find myself, I thought I would focus on a few small things that are making me happy.

 Feel free to try any/all of them out and see if they make your baby screaming/boss yelling/husband gone days any brighter………..

1. Dunken Donuts coffee from Costco. Normally I am a flat out coffee snob. However, in a recent trip to the mothership (Costco) I decided to take a risk and try this coffee. It smells yummy, it’s strong and I now have 5lbs of it.

2. Jergens Natural Glow self tanner. Look, self tanner is tricky business. You can go from zero to ORANGE in 60 seconds flat. But I love this Jergens stuff. It is a good color, it feels more like lotion and it builds slowly so you don’t have streaks. A little tip I discovered with self tanners – put it on and then IMMEDIATELY follow with a healthy dose of your favorite lotion. It helps rub everything in so you don’t get streaks AND it takes away any smell of self tanner. Go forth and be tan!

3. My new watch from Fossil. Kevin bought it for me on vacation in Arizona. It looks surprisingly like the white Rolex that Jennifer Anniston wears but it didn’t cost me my firstborn. Now they have one in clear that I have my eye on….

4. My new-ish cardigan from Banana. It is gray and lovely and it goes with everything. Living here you always need a sweater because the weather can turn on you like a mean girl. Especially during June.

5. Finally, I am loving So You Think You Can Dance. The dancers and what they can command their bodies to do amazes me. Plus I have a mad girl crush on Cat Deeley. I think however if we ever met, it would be really awkward because she might have to bend down to speak with me – much like I do with my 3 year old.

What are some things you all are loving this week?

Every year I set goals on New Years. Every year by my birthday on January 5th, all if not most of them, are broken (more later on why I have the WORST BIRTHDAY EVER). Anyhow, this year I have decided that I will set realistic goals for 2009, and henceforth refer to it as the Year of Realism. Really.

Goal 1 – Obtain and wear cute pajamas

Okay, you know the t-shirt you got from the 10k run your friend did in high school and then you borrowed it and she moved away and you still have it? Yeah, I sleep in that t-shirt. The pants are an equally ill-advised Marshall’s find that never fit right in the first place 5 years ago when you got them and that is why they were only $4.99. My husband and my children deserve better than to see me put on clothes that homeless people would pass up every night at 7 p.m.  New pajamas for me in 2009! Who says you can’t go to bed cute?

Goal 2 – Reduce caffeine intake, slightly.

I am the girl who carries her giant Starbucks travel mug in to work every day and then chases it with a soy latte in the late afternoon. The caffeine addiction needs to stop but that isn’t realistic and remember this is the Year of Realism soooooo, I am going to commit to one caffeinated beverage a day. Period.

Goal 3 – Loose 5 pounds.

I need to loose 10 pounds so I am compromising by cutting it in half for now and saying that I will loose 5 pounds. I joined Weight Watchers (I promise a post on this very soon) and I am committed to loosing at least 5 pounds and then re-evaluating after that.

Goal 4 – Be quiet more often

I am a talker. Wow, is that an understatement. I realized lately when I was mad at someone that I get really quiet toward people when I am mad at them, subsequently I hear everything that they say. I need to do that more – more listening, not more being mad at people. I just talk too much, more silence would reduce my stress and the stress on those around me.

Goal 5 – Have more sex

Okay this one is tricky. Well not tricky but sensitive. Not really sensitive but embarrassing. Wow, awkward! I read this thing about the couple that had sex every day (NOT HAPPENING, SORRY HONEY) but anyway they said it was really good for their relationship and it reduced stress to incorporate the “act” more often in their daily routine. So, enough said.

So that is the Top 5 Realistic Goals of 2009 for Jenn. What are some of your realistic goals?

Recently someone asked me what some of my favorite things are and it got me thinking. If I had to pick 10 things I couldn’t live without – what would they be? As I worked on my list, I thought it revealed a little about me (in a superficial sort of way) and I thought my readers should give the list a try. So, chime in and tell me what 10 things you can’t live without. Please note, these are things of the non-human nature, meaning if you can’t live without your Great Aunt Sue, I understand but that isn’t really what I was thinking when I made this list.

Okay, I’ll go first (no particular order):

• My coffeemaker
• Sunglasses
• Coffee Beans
• Books
• Bob Marley’s Legend Album
• My running shoes (asics)
• Disinfecting wipes
• The Body Shop’s Coconut Body Butter
• MAC lip gloss
• My Blackberry Curve

Kids grow up fast. Too fast. In the middle of a sleepless night with a crying baby, it is easy to think that the phase will never pass. However, in truth, it is just a moment in time that your children are young. I did a list like the one below with Isaac at the about the same age and I recently re-read it. I almost can’t remember Isaac at that age, which makes me feel very melancholy. These are precious times and I don’t want to forget any of it. Joshua has been growing and changing at an alarming speed lately. He has taken up talking on a full time basis and his wild personality is center stage in our house. He fits so perfectly into our lives, I just can’t remember what it was like without him.

 Dearest Joshua,

• You love to put on and take off your shoes. You constantly grab a pair of shoes and run to my lap, sit down and say “shoes”.

• Your affinity for your brother is hilarious. He is the first person you ask for the in morning and the last person you play with at night. When he is sleeping and you are not, we literally have to barricade the door so you don’t wake him up.

• You are happiest when we are on an adventure. You will be in the midst of throwing a fit and all I have to do is say “Do you want to go bye-bye?” and you instantly stop crying and head for the door.

• You have recently taken to growling. Not sure what it is all about but maybe Halloween is the culprit. You will growl at Isaac, then start laughing and chase him down the hall. Your ability to take down a 41 pound 4 year old is shocking. You are quite the scrapper.

• You call food “num nums.” I am not sure where you got this but now everyone in the house says “I want num nums” when they are hungry.

• When you are really tired, you try to put yourself to bed. You start in the kitchen, somehow lugging out the milk and trying to put it in your bottle. You then say, “night night Mommy!”

• You love the water. When we head to the beach you instantly start yelling “Wa wa wa wa!” You will hurl yourself face first into any body of water – which worries me sick. I am hoping you will take up swimming soon, for your own safety.

• You have an affinity for fruit that is unparalleled. You call strawberries, “strawbabies” and it makes me laugh every time. One time I seriously thought you had overdosed on bananas.  You didn’t poop for a week.

I love you so much Joshua, I can’t wait to see the man you will become but in the meantime, I love the little boy that you are.