Only 14 or so weeks left until there are three of them…watch out world!

These two have become so close lately. As Joshie gets older it is easier for Isaac to play with him. There are moments where they come to blows as boys are known to do. But the glorious moments of them chasing each other around the house laughing and screaming in pure joy make up for the physical scuffles. When they laugh together, my heart is so filled with joy it could burst into a million little mommy pieces.

Every once in a while I get a picture of Joshua that accurately captures the gleam in his eye. Whatever this little boy is destined for in life, he’s going to do with gusto.

The last picture was taken a  month ago as Kevin and I were getting ready to leave for our anniversary dinner. It was a glorious evening, thanks to the babysitting prowess of one Auntie Kenna. Kevin surprised me a with a new coach purse and a beautiful dinner at Pacific’s Edge in Carmel Highlands. The meal was ridiculously expensive but completely worth it for our 10 year anniversary.

Whoever said that your belly button pops when the baby is ready to be done is cra-a-zy. Seriously, my belly button is WAY out there. Did you know they make special tape for such things? Oh the joys….

1. Wake up, consume bowl of sugary cereal the size of your head.

2. Go to church, eat a donut.

3. Return home, drink some water because the sugar has now dehydrated you.

4. Go to the movies, eat a giant buttered pop corn, hot dog and a cherry coke.

5. Return home, complain of unexplainable thirst- so thirsty! (MIGHT BE THE NITRATES YOU FOOL)

6. Go to the beach for a barbecue, eat another hot dog, handful of chips and three double stuff Oreo’s. Wash it down with a Hanson’s soda.

7.  Once again, return home and complain of random thirsty-ness, as though your mouth was filled with sand. Drink water.

8. Wait two hours and decide to eat an apple with peanut butter, followed by a small piece of pumpkin pie.

9. Step on the scale two days later and exclaim, “What, two pounds! In two days? How is this happening!”

10. March out of the bathroom, indignant, proclaiming you will be eating nothing but fruit the rest of this pregnancy. Two hours later, be elbows deep in pizza.

That my friends is how to be pregnant, part 1 in 10 easy steps. Be prepared, Part 2 involves the lovely skills of how to make everything about you and how to cry with less than 10 seconds notice. On the inevitable Part 3 of our thrilling saga we will delve into the seedy underbelly of pregnancy whereby we discuss how properly to pee your pants. Stay tuned!

PS. as you can clearly tell, I have been too busy eating, crying and peeing to write much lately. My apologies. Once I back my face out of this ice cream container, I might even hit “spell check”. Watch out.

Okay so I took some belly pictures last night and I promise to post them tomorrow so you can laugh. No really, go ahead and laugh at my expense. It’s okay.

Wow I sound grumpy. I’m not, just officially feeling very preggo. You know the, up 6 times a night to pee -hard time getting off the couch-out of breath- kind of preggo. Worst part about this is that I haven’t even reached what I like to call, “serving the baby an eviction notice stage” which generally occurs for me around week 32. I have 9 plus more weeks to that stage. Yeah!

Anyhow I thought you all should know that last night I wasn’t really hungry. This is a big-ish thing for me considering I ate a  burrito the other day the size of a puppy and an hour later was all “what’s for dessert?” So, not being hungry is a new thing for me. Kevin made some breakfast for dinner concoction and I had a few bites of that and then decided to take a bath. Sometime between hefting my belly out of the bath and landing back on the couch, I became well, let’s say “focused” on having some ice cream. Warm and cozy from my bath and feeling smug for “not eating dinner because I wasn’t hungry” I decided that a little ice cream wouldn’t hurt anybody. I grabbed a pint of Haagen Daz Double Chocolate Chip and padded to the couch to watch Tori and Dean. I have talked about this show before and I will say it again, Tori isn’t who you think she is so stop judging her. She is my friend. Well, she would be if she met me. I am convinced of that and it doesn’t at all make me a stalker. Not really. Anyway, me and the ice cream sat down and managed to bring an extra spoon for Kevin. (He indicated that  me sharing the ice cream was the only way he would be able to tolerate watching that show, and I obliged.)

It took about 20 minutes. In case you were wondering. Just 20 little minutes to FINISH THE ENTIRE CONTAINER. Yes, I had help. But still, do you know how many calories are in a pint of that ice cream? I do. When I got up for the 6th time to pee last night, the caloric content of Haagen Daz was rolling around in my head like a marble in the Hungry Hippo game so I went to the garbage, pulled out the container and did some simple math at 3 in the morning.

1050 calories, divided by 2 = 525 calories.

So, on my “I’m being good I didn’t eat dinner” bandwagon, I managed to take in the calories of a Whopper with cheese. Yeah Jenn.

The worst part about all of this is that sometime in late November I am going to be crying about how fat I still am even though the baby came out and I am going to be all “I dont’ know how I got like this, I didn’t even eat dinner every night!” Sob, sob. And then a little  flicker of a memory, a chocolate chip…an empty container…Tori Spelling. It will all come back to me like a dairy deluge and I will know, exactly how I “got like this.”

So now I have two options, stop counting calories (wicked habit developed doing weight wacthers) or see if I can get Will Smith to come over with that little memory zapper from his movie that I can’t remember right now because my brain is filled with chocolate chips, and get rid of the ice cream memories so that can drown in post-partum self-pity  like every other pregnant woman I know. Why only these two choices? Because we both know I’ m not going to stop eating ice cream.

Kevin out of town for work this whole week – let the whining commence.

Basically, I am a single parent for the week and I don’t even want to go into the amount of things outside of our normal routine that are going on this week, thus adding to my stress of having to do it all alone. Needless to say, posting will be light because I will be busy both bringing home the bacon and frying it up in the pan. Normally I am the queen of multitasking but this little thing growing inside me, that shall not be named Jumanji, has taken my brain and turned it into pea soup. You know those dreams where you are supposed to be at the prom but you can’t find your dress? Or you have a meeting and you can’t find your car to get there? That is my life. I swear the contents of my normally intelligent brain have been rendered useless. I went back into the house to get things I forgot FOUR TIMES this morning before I finally left. I left my office today at least 3 times not remembering why I even got out of my chair in the first place. So, the challenge of working, being the sole provider for 2 children, gestating a third child and the extra curricular junk we have going on this week all add up to ONE HOT PREGNANT MESS.

Bottom line: if you see me driving down the street with my car door open and my coffee mug about to fall of the roof of my car, just keep driving.

*Addendum to bottom line: However, if you see a 5 year old chasing after my car because I left the house without him, do me a solid and pick him up. Make sure to tell him Mommy loves him, she just isn’t herself right now, on account of the hormones.