I apologize for the title. If you haven’t seen Mean Girls, then you are going to think I’ve gone profane on you. If you have seen it…hopefully you are laughing.

Being a working mother to 3 is a little hectic. Okay, that was the understatement of the year. It is a lot hectic. I never stop, I never press pause (except for on the Elmo DVD so Joshie can go potty without missing anything…GOD FORBID), I almost never take vacations, I don’t do very much for “me”, and I don’t really sleep. That is the truth. I wish it weren’t but it is. I know that mom’s who are at home with their kids face a whole different set of problems and stress so I will NEVER say here or anywhere else that one group has it harder than the other. That’s just crazy talk.

Most days for a working mom, things are held together by a tiny, invisible fine line that threatens to snap like a rubber band at the slightest change in the schedule. I have my days down to a science:

there’s coffee first, then getting ready, then getting the kids ready, then getting the lunches ready, then dropping the kids off, then commuting to work, then working for 8 plus hours while managing to pump 3 x so Eli has food for the next day, then commuting home, then getting the kids, then fixing dinner/nursing, then cleaning up, then bath time for 3 children followed by pajamas, stories and cuddles and kisses, then there’s me falling into a heap on the couch somewhere around 9pm. I wish it was over there but most nights, like last night for example…I was awakened at 10, 1:30, 3:45 and 5:45 AM by a combination of my 3 children.

If I didn’t call you back, do you see why now?

So this morning, in between the getting ready and the lunches, Joshie started puking. On my suit. After that was settled, he was cuddled on the couch with a blanket and a bucket, I left for work (awesome Nanny Lauren was there) and when I got out of the car for work….my high heel ripped the hem in my pants. Then after my first meeting, I realized I was without my expensive reading glasses. They are lost and right now I can’t afford to replace them. *Insert tears here*

I don’t know what in the world is going on but I kind of feel like things are unraveling a bit, like the rubber band has snapped. I still have my health, my husband, my job and my children are all healthy so the major components are there.  I feel like a brat for complaining. I am just in a space right now where it feels like everything is like swimming through jello. Like life is that dream where you are trying to get someplace but can’t find your shoes. Maybe it is the phase of life, maybe it is the economy but I feel overwhelmed and in need of a break. I just want something really good and fun to happen (aside from the news that Lindsay Lohan is going to jail and that she pained F*ck you on her fingernails, that was pretty funny). Something that will relieve the pressure and make me see the lighter side of life, revel in the pleasures for a bit.

I knew I was in a bad place when I saw a Corona commercial on TV last night and I almost started crying when I saw the gorgeous sunny beach. I just want to be there. I want to sit in the sun, without children, and just relax. Who’s with me? Who will actually start screaming if they see one more Tweet or Facebook status update about trips to Hawaii?

Okay that’s enough. Must not complete transition to total Debbie the Downer. Tune in tomorrow for a happier post. Let’s talk about kittens or rainbows or cupcakes, mmmmm k?

I’ve only been in Lincoln, CA for 2 days but I’ve already been attacked by wild turkeys and I’ve gained 5lbs eating the most amazing cupcakes ever. It’s been an eventful weekend.

So my Bestie, (aka BFF, Buffy, Becca) lives out in the country in Nor Cal and we came for a little visit. By country, I mean country. There are roosters crowing at dawn and people have legit reasons to wear cowboy boots. We’ve taken a million pictures that I will post later of hilarious things like my 3 year old riding a motorized jeep totally naked and my husband putting a carrot in his pants at the dinner table (don’t ask). All I know is that 6 bottles of wine have magically disappeared and so did a dozen cupcakes (see below). Good times.

You see that sticker that says “I’m all yours!”….yeah that was just a cruel joke because we had to share these with the 4 little people in the house. After sampling all of them, I would say the mint chocolate was my favorite. If you live in the area, go to Icing on the Cupcake and enjoy.

While here, I’ve learned a few things. First,  I’ve learned that fruit has multiple purposes:

This picture of my lovely husband might be more explainable if it would have involved the aforementioned wine. As you can see however, it was broad daylight and the drinking had not yet begun. Although today may be the day we engage in daytime drinking because it is supposed to be like 100 and something-ridiculous-degrees here today. And in my opinion, if you’re going to be sweaty then you might as well be drunk. I learned that in Mexico. Mexico also taught me that if you are wearing a bikini it is best not to get on the mechanical bull. Actually, it is best just not to get on the mechanical bull at all. Yeah.

So, it turns out that the Costco in Roseville is pretty much heaven on earth. It’s huge and it really met all of my bulk shopping needs. Also, did you know that if you skip a meal and eat a cookie you will look like a movie star?

I didn’t buy these “Hollywood Cookies” but I’m pretty sure that I already know about the “eating cookies instead of real food diet” – in fact, I could probably write that book. Oddly, I never found it to be particularly helpful for loosing weight.

Today we are going to go to a fruit stand and I might go back to Costco to see if I can find something else that I can buy 500 of in order to save money. Once again, that’s “Jenn math” or what I like to call “math for political science majors.” Alright, I have a turkey to chase so I will be going now. People there are real wild turkeys here, I’m not talking about the drink.

Well looky there, it appears my bitch fest yesterday struck a nerve with the internets. Apparently everyone is having a tough week. At least I am in good company.

Later today, we are packing up our grouchy party of 5 and traveling north to visit good friends. Best friends. You know the kind where just being in their company makes you feel a little more whole inside? If you don’t have those kind in your life, go find them. Mine unfortunately live 3.5 hours away which is sad because they could live in the same town and they would still be too far away. I am hoping the road trip clears this angst I am feeling. If nothing else, between the summer heat, the wine I plan on consuming and the laughter, I think things will begin to look a little brighter.

I’ve mentioned Donald Miller’s most recent book here a few times. You know when you read something or see a movie and it just sticks with you? You chew on it over and over, trying to figure out why it hit you so deep and why you can’t shake the feeling that you were meant to read/see it right at that time? His book is about “story” and the fact that every story has the same basic elements – a character that is willing to overcome hardship to get something. I am really challenged by looking at myself and seeing the hardship – knowing that it leads to something, to a story. But what am I overcoming? What is it I want my story to be about? Do I want to overcome the hardship of law school to be a lawyer? The hardship of marriage to reach a golden anniversary? The hardship of marathon training to complete a 26.2 mile run? What am I living for that is worth telling someone about 10, 20, 50 years from now?

A lot of Christians talk about living life “intentionally” – I find this strange and often unattainable as a mother to three small humans. The only intentional thing I do is make it through very busy days. However, I know there is more than that. We are all on this ride, and I am convinced we all share the same inner fear that it won’t mean anything in the end, that the struggle will be for not. I want to live a good story. Maybe I overcome fear and write that book that swirls around in my head like a word milkshake. Maybe, I overcome my inner critic and finally accept myself for who I am. Maybe.

What is your story? What are you overcoming in order to reach a goal? Do you think about the big picture and what your life will “say”?  Do share, I am looking for ideas and inspiration here.

Once again, this quote from Bridget Jones Diary haunts me:

It’s a universally known fact that the minute something in your life begins to go right, something else falls spectacularly apart.

Why is that always the case?  Why does this quote sound better in my head if I say it with an English accent?

Does anyone else experience this phenom? It is as though should everything be right all at once, your head might explode or the earth fall from its’ place in the cosmos. I am sick of the “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” crap. I just want something to go right, all at once! 

 Today, just today, I want the sky to be blue and every relationship to be healthy and full and I want to feel skinny and smart and I want to eat tacos, good authentic Mexico tacos. I want to listen to Matt Kearney and drive a convertable to the beach. I want to feel madly loved and in love. I want to laugh and be called “beautiful” and I want to see Eclipse. Iwant my stretch marks and saggy parts to go away, far away.  I want to buy a perfect new lip gloss and I want to laugh with a friend until I cry. I want my baby to sleep all night and I want to be told that I am good at something, maybe even the best. I want my vote to count and I want to have faith in the “system” again. I want to cut up credit cards and make debt go away. I want to eat dairy products again without it making my breastfeeding 8 month scream like a wild turkey. I want to have a glass of champagne with all of the Fortune 500 female CEO’s and ask them how the hell they did it. Especially if they have children.

That is what I want today. I want to be full of life, not dragged down by it. For once.

I apologize for how lame this all sounds. As I re-read I see that it looks as though I’ve been drinking during the day (again). Geez. Well folks, if you came here to read an adult version of a 3 year old temper tantrum then mission accomplished.  If any one else feels this way, today or ever, leave a comment and tell me what you want today. What is your list comprised of? Let’s have an internet bitch fest in honor of nothing in particular other than it is Wednesay and sometimes life sucks.

Later this week, Eli will be 8 months old. I am in shock. Mostly because I still remember when I looked like this and it feels like that was yesterday. I can distinctly remember the leg cramps, the lack of bladder control and the heartburn. Eli was not physically easy to be pregnant with – or maybe it was just that my body was finished housing babies long before my heart was. Either way, he has been so delightful outside of my belly that the ugly pregnancy memories are graying. I actually saw a newborn at church on Sunday and sighed, wishing I could ask to hold her. I nearly fell over the seat in front of me trying to peek at her as she yawned and stretched her tiny little arms. What is wrong with me? I have more children than I can manage, most days feel like a ship being sunk by the crew and here I am fawning over some one’s baby that I don’t even know? The female mind really is the confusing maze my husband thinks it to be.

Back to Eli….I love this stage of babyhood. Somewhere around 6 months until about 1 year, I could just eat babies up. They are so curious and sweet and they babble and drool and have thighs that look like ham hocks. They haven’t figured out how to say “no” or run away from you. They wake up cooing and saying “da da da” and my heart just melts. Each of my boys went through this stage and each time I found myself falling further in love. (until they were about 2 years old and then I might have sold them to the highest bidder.)

Every day Eli laughs deep and loud,  rolls over with gusto in order to get to an object of his desire, tries to eat his special blankie and watches his older brothers with enchantment. Basically, he is all baby. My baby. I love him more than I can tell you here. More than I thought possible when I wrote this post.

I look at Isaac and I see how quickly time goes by, I want to cherish every bit of my time with Eli as a baby because I know that before I can blink, he’ll be asking for the car keys.

P.S. We went to the Boardwalk in Santa Cruz yesterday and got some great pics that I will post tomorrow…..

This week has been an interesting one, to say the least. My lovely Elijah is pretty much not sleeping and my oldest child has taken to acting like a pre-teen at the ripe old age of 6. If I hear him say “that is so dumb” one more time…..However, we are LOVING our summer Nanny – Miss Lauren (hi Lauren!!!)- and she has taken the boys to do some awesome stuff and I feel really blessed to have both her and my parents around. Not sure what this working mom would do without all of the help.

So, my list of things I am loving this week includes NO beauty products (insert SHOCK and AWE here). Read on my lovelies:

1. It isn’t the first time that a candid interview got someone fired….but man General McChrystal sure did go out with a bang. For those of you who aren’t political junkies I will break this down for you, McChrystal was the General leading the war effort in Afghanistan. (yes we are still at war in Afghanistan, a war that we are not likely to win) So, the General didn’t play well with others and he told a Rolling Stone magazine reporter about the mean names he and his people call the Vice Prez. Shockingly, yesterday he was “relieved of his duties”. If you read the article, I dare you to not walk away thinking this guy is EXACTLY the kind of guy you want planning a war effort. This little saga was fun too watch this week.

2. On a sports related theme….how awesome was the Isner match at Wimbeldon? Or the last second goal by USA in the World Cup? I love it when sports event give you chills. Twice this week that was the case.

3. How could I not mention this little incident? Cassie and her brilliant idea got picked up by the NYT parenting blog, the Motherlode. I got caught up in the tidal wave and am proud to be a part of this project. If you are here now because of this post, thanks for reading and I hope you stick around.

4. Remember last year when I did Weight Watchers, lost some weight and started to feel sexy and then BAM! I got preggo? Lesson learned, skinny Jenn = higher likelihood of “fun time” = baby. That’s just straight up math folks. Anyway, when I was on WW, I discovered a few foods that had little or no points and were actually fantastic. Once I got preggo, I couldn’t stand the sight of anything healthy and basically swam in a vat of sugar and carbs for 9 straight months. As I get back to life as normal 8 months postpartum, I am loving some of these foods again. First on the list is Progresso Chicken Noodle Soup. Only 100 calories per serving. I swear if I eat this for dinner for  a week straight (not always fun but do-able) I wake up skinnier. Try it, I dare you. I also LOVE Good Earth Sweet and Spicy tea. You don’t need to add sugar and it is good anytime of day. It has saved me many a late night calorie fest. As Yo Gabba Gabba would say “Try it, You’ll Like it!” I’m sorry for that, if you are a mom and you know that song, it will be stuck in your head the rest of the day.

5. Okay so I lied. I am including a beauty product. As I worked down the list, I caught a whiff of my hair (weird) and I remembered that I haven’t told you about It’s A 10. Best leave in conditioner ever. As in, EVER. It smells good, doesn’t weigh your hair down and it actually works.