The best compliment you can get on the web is an email or comment from someone saying that something you wrote touched their heart. That happened today. A girl named Katie contacted me to tell me she had re-posted something I wrote and it literally made my day. I haven’t been the best blogger lately. I used to love posting because I felt as though I had something to say or a story to tell. Lately that hasn’t been the case. I was talking with my mom recently and she said that she felt my blog was a bit bipolar. It used to be witty, and sometimes still is, but now it is just really reflective. She asked what changed but in the same breath commented that the addition of Eli really appeared to have changed me. I nodded in silent agreement.
Baby #3 did me in. I mean really. A lot of people talk about what it is like to add a second child or a third or fourth. I asked everyone I knew with 3 kids what the transition was like. Sometimes they said it was no different than having 2 kids. Sometimes they said it was exponentially harder. I sensed that for me it was going to be the latter and I readied myself for the onslaught. God was gracious and gave me a baby that made the transition easier than it could have been but I will be honest – 3 has been really different. And hard. I’m sorry for the brutal honesty and if you are preggo with baby #3 right now, stop reading. I’m kidding. It’s not that bad. Well, not really.
I love Elijah. More than I’ve loved any baby. Not to say I didn’t love my others but what I mean is that I love him as a “baby”. I rushed through the baby stage with Isaac and Joshua. Barely taking time to think until they were walking and yelling “Mama” with their mouths full of cheerios. Eli is different, I am immersed in his “babyness.” I love it because I know that this is it for me. Drinking in his infancy has calmed me and allowed me to reflect on how quick this parade of childhood goes.
Okay, that said….I will be honest and say there are days when the weight of being responsible for 3 small children and a full time job and a marriage make me feel like I might crumble. I start at 6am and fall into bed at 9pm, feeling exhausted and a little sad. I have heard many people say that the hardest time in a woman’s life is when she has children under the age of 6. I think is couldn’t be more true. But when you add to that a woman who doesn’t really know who she is and is still searching for her purpose, you have a real problem.
So, if you sense a difference in my writing, well there is. I am in a learning stage. I am trying to figure out how I got to be 33 years old with 3 kids and yet still feel like I’m really just an overgrown teenager waiting for real life to start. I have a feeling though that I am not alone.
I sense desperation in some of my fellow mommy’s eyes. I see the longing for a goal and purpose beyond diapers and midnight feedings, playgroups and school drop-off lines. If you have stumbled onto this blog and feel just a little of what I’ve described then you are in the right place. Let’s find out together how to feel whole when little parts of you are walking around asking for cereal and string cheese and someone to wipe their bottom.
For my friends that come here for my ridiculous sense of humor or tips on beauty products, I promise it hasn’t been shelved…I’m still hilarious (just ask me) and I still love make-up. Bare with me though, after 9 months of growing a baby, it appears that the next stage includes some emotional growth that was much needed.Read More