Don’t worry, there are pictures. However, read the narrative first as it will make the pictures come to life…

So, last Friday the truck was packed, the house was clean and the door was locked. We left town around 12 noon and went about driving the two hours to our new home, full of anticipation. We joked about how hot it was in the Valley that day and how we couldn’t wait for the foggy Carmel we know so well. The joke was on us.

Usually, as you travel west on the 156 and hit the 101 you can feel the temp drop about 10-15 degrees almost immediately when the ocean is in view. Curiously, the temperature stayed in the 90′s. Then something unbelievable happened, as we rounded the hill past Monterey into Carmel, the temp began to CLIMB to 97 degrees.

Anyone who lives in the Valley would scoff at the fact that we thought this was a bad thing. Surely you’ve heard of air conditioning, right Jenn? Well guess what my adoring fans, this new little abode I like to call the Easy Swede? Yeah she has NO CENTRAL AIR. So, as we pull up with two restless children, sore backs and a full truck, we all begin to realize what this heat means.

It meant that the house was a balmy 102 degrees and we had a crapload of work ahead of us that would leave us all in a puddle of sweat and frustration. As I walked into the house for the first time, the heat hit me in the face like a prize fighter. Then as I looked around I saw a whole lot of stuff that should have gone to storage the week before. So much stuff that we couldn’t unload the new truck full of our crap because, well, THERE WAS NO PLACE TO PUT IT.

As if all of this wasn’t enough, I had been warned before arrival of a little house guest.  This house guest was of the fur and tail nature and it had been “cornered” in the boys room. So, before moving in, I had to “de-rodent” my children’s room. Lovely.

The mouse had been described as a “rat” that was big and black and “stared down” my husband in the hallway prior to my arrival. Folks, you look at the picture of this creature and tell me if it doesn’t look like it just walked off the set of a Cinderella movie, sore from all of the dress sewing she had to do.

Anyway, so first order of business, get rid of the mouse. It only took a minute after we opened the door before the mouse was on the move. My dad and my husband captured this ferocious creature in a box. Then everyone pet it and gave it a name. Mousy.

After a tearful goodbye to the mouse in the neighbor’s ivy plant, everyone was back to work. I can’t begin to explain the mood that settled in the house due to the heat and the exhaustion. Everyone was literally dripping sweat as they carried in boxes. We were all silently cursing my pack rat nature as well… I can’t throw things away, it’s a problem and I’m seeking help.

That night, when the kids finally went to bed my mom and I proceeded to christen the house with a bottle of nice chardonnay. Yes, I do prefer red wine but it was too FREAKING HOT. What my mother and I failed to take  into account as we sipped this adult beverage is our complete dehydration and lack of food intake for the day.

The next thing you know it’s midnight and we decide to go for a walk. In our pajamas. The local high school down the street was our destination and we weren’t at all loud or lacking in judgement as we headed out on this journey. Please see the pictures for proof of our intoxication.

The next day was almost as hot and after a night spent sweating, everyone agreed it was time to go to Costco and purchase some fans. And we did, $125 worth of fans. Three hours later, it was raining. Awesome.

All in all, move in weekend was swell. I am forever indebted to my family for their help, as the conditions weren’t exactly perfect for moving large and heavy objects for hours at a time.

Also included below are a few pictures of the house. Please note the famed dolphin doorknocker. It’s fierce. Everyone has one. And because I know you were dying to see, I took a picture of the easy bake oven. Yes, that is a plate in the oven. A regular size plate – just in case you thought I was exaggerating when I said the oven was small. It’s like Barbie thanksgiving size small. So whatever.

Also, as an added bonus to the no air conditions, small oven, dolphin door knocker attributes of this lovely house, I discovered that it also has electrical wiring from the 1950′s. What does this mean you say? Well it means that when I run my tiny oven, I can not also run my microwave or the dishwasher or the dryer because if I do…the whole house shorts out. AWESOME. Good news is that I never need to run the dishwasher because it too is from the 1950′s and it has wheels. So you can wheel it to the sink and plug it in. SO CONVENIENT!

Stay tuned folks for more stories from the house that keeps on giving…

Turns out searching for houses in the Monterey area is less glamorous than one might expect. What’s that you say? You didn’t think it would be glamorous? Oh, you’re so crazy.

One of the funny little quirks about the Monterey Coast is that everyone names their houses. They have quaint little signs out front proclaiming – Ocean Breeze, Bayview, Cookie’s Corner, Bird’s Landing, etc.  In light of this, I named each of the rentals we viewed. Mostly just for comic pleasure.

So, last week I went rental hunting. The first house we walked into smelled like cats. It was empty but apparently the owner didn’t like leaving it that way, so she slept on a mattress in one of the bedrooms. A mattress on a floor covered in cat hair. Next to the “bed” was a bowl of cat food and a water bowl. I’m not sure how she thought she was protecting the house by staying there at night…. Maybe her cat was a trained attack cat. Or maybe there was no cat and she just had a craving for fancy feast and preferred to lap up water from a bowl. Frankly after seeing the house – neither would’ve surprised me.

So the first rental was trash. Kitty trash. The worst part of Kitty Trash – it was only $2200 a month! For a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom house covered in cat hair! What a bargain.

Feeling a little defeated we moved on to house #2. I will call this house Noonie (for all of you SNL fans out there you will understand this reference) Noonie was the anti-thesis of Kitty Trash. Noonie was beautiful and modern and sleek. It was a total steal at $2000 a month. However, the two story deck with NO RAIL and the spacious 1,000 square feet made it a little less than suitable for a family of four. The single bathroom had a small pedestal sink with no counter top. No counter people – where will I spread all of my MAC makeup? On to house #3….

House number #3 lacked all of Noonie’s charm but made up for it in space. #3 was the largest house we saw all day, coming in a 1,800 square feet. It had hardwood floors throughout which is a bonus. It had, wait for it….two bathrooms!!! OMG! It had a safe, fenced backyard and it was situated nicely on a cul-de-sac. It had some really funky features though that I must elaborate on. First was the oven – seriously it was no bigger than an Easy Bake oven. Remember those? The little Fisher Price oven that heated up to 50 degrees so that little girls can get a head start on their domestic careers at age 7? Well the oven in this house was that size. No regular size cookie sheet will ever fit in that oven…and let’s be honest people if you can’t bake cookies in your oven, what good is it?  The house also had a “swedish fireplace” in the master bedroom.

For those of you unfamiliar with this little cozy addition, it is a fireplace that hangs from the ceiling in a little bubble just above the floor. It looks like a decision made in the late 1960′s that was, um, lost in translation over the decades. I know you want to install one in your house right now! Between the Easy Bake oven and the swedish fireplace, I called this house the Easy Swede. Yeah baby!

Alright, so house #4 was okay. It was cheap, clean and decently sized. The front room was too small for our stuff but the backyard made up for the rest of the house. It was large and clean and fenced. Perfect for little boys. As I stepped back inside, officially torn on which house I would take…the landlord offered this little bit of info: “So, when you’re indoors you barely hear the airplanes overhead from the airport.” And, were done. Henceforth, this house earned the name, Airport Noise.

Okay, on to house #5. This house was in Pacific Grove. I walked in and almost turned around and walked right back out but I didn’t want to be too rude. It was 3 bedrooms and 3 baths – which is great, however it looked as though nothing, including the rust colored carpet, had been updated since 1962. It had wood siding inside, making it dark and dingy. It had two sets of stairs – both unable to be blocked off so Joshie doesn’t plummet to his death. The backyard was a little akin to a concrete alley way, complete with electrical wires hanging down within arms reach of a toddler. This house was so bad I just couldn’t wait to get out – so we shall call it Nightmare. As in, living in this house would be one.

So, between Kitty Trash, Noonie, Easy Swede, Airport Noise and Nightmare the choice was clear. While I really wanted to be uber chic and live in Noonie, my only real choice was the Easy Swede. So, I drove over the agency and offered my left arm and one kidney to move in to the Easy Swede.

The good news is (besides the fact that I am right handed and I really only need one kidney….get it?) that the house is clean and it will fit all of our stuff. I guess Thanksgiving will have to be held elsewhere, because I am pretty sure a turkey isn’t fitting in that oven. However, my general cooking philosophy is if it can’t be microwaved or barbecued then it isn’t really necessary.

All in all, I am thrilled to be moving to Carmel with my boys. Feel free to come and visit us at the Easy Swede, we should be moved in by late June.

Just remember when you visit…bring cookies.

It occurred to me today, as I was reading a comment on my site, that I am going home. The place of my childhood that I wrote about longingly here , appears to be my children’s new hometown as well.

Sometimes life surprises us in ways we couldn’t have imagined. Like finding out I had a genetic mutation that led to miscarriages and then 1 year later giving birth to a perfect baby boy.  Or meeting the man of my dreams at silly waitressing job that I hated. This move goes down as a pivotal point in my life, whereby I am both awed and frightened. That, I think, is the best of the human experience.